Wednesday, 20 August 2008

Kazlor the Mighty's Policies


It is now three months since Kazlor the Mighty (All Hail Kazlor!) took over the city of New York, and while it is still early in his reign, opinion on his policies is divided.

One thing that the people of the city agree upon is that the lower crime rate since Kazlor’s arrival can only be a good thing. Many among us voiced concerns over his policies of imprisoning or executing the city’s Mighty Heroes after they failed to prevent his coming to power. Without Asbestos Man, Lady Fetishwear, CannonPants and the rest of our super-powered titans around to stop criminals, many members of the public were worried that levels of crime – both organised and petty – would increase. But with the hasty legalisation of Kazlor’s Mental Mind Ray Justice, the threat of cranial explosions has prevented most malcontents from even thinking about criminal activity.

Increased taxation is always going to be a controversial move, and when Kazlor (Long Live Kazlor!) announced that he was going to confiscate nine tenths of the city’s gold for his palaces, there was some grumbling. It took some fiscal wrangling with New York’s best public accountants before the compromising move of giving gas token incentives to residents eased the blow of having their heirlooms melted down to make footstools for our glorious leader.

Unemployment has lessened in the past three months, a fact that some have attributed to Kazlor’s moderately unpopular ‘Enslavening Program’. Kazlor’s spokespeople have responded to criticism of the program by stating that with 100% of the population put to work in Kazlor’s radium-mining project, unemployment has never been lower. Kazlor’s chief overseer, Draktor, has said on the record that “there’s no pleasing the fools on this pitiful planet.” He may have a point.


When Kazlor came to power twelve weeks ago, it was clear to observers that he hadn’t given any thought to the city’s waste management problems. Through a series of consultations with private companies, public service officials and policy experts, Kazlor sought to understand the situation in greater detail before deciding on a plan of action. A public referendum was instigated, and the residents of the city voted overwhelmingly for Kazlor’s unique plan to zap the collected waste products with his transporter ray. This measure has remained very popular in the city, although it has strained relations with the city of Bern, in Germany, who started to discover huge piles of New York’s garbage mysteriously appearing in their streets.


While his success in waste management areas is unquestioned, Kazlor is less able when it comes to environmental concerns. He has shown disregard for New York’s commitment to climate change, having reversed the laws on carbon emissions; there is now a minimum allowed amount of emissions for industries to conform to. The result of this is a large black cloud casting an acrid, ominous shadow over the city.

Whether Kazlor’s reign will increase in popularity or lessen in the coming months remains to be seen. There are rumours that he will soon be involved in a power struggle with Emperor Garlaxx from the Nth Dimension; whether he will enjoy the backing of the people of New York remains to be seen.

All Hail the Mighty Kazlor!

5 comments:

Mo said...

Aw, man...and here I just bought a CannonPants bedspread with matching pillow cases. Damn it.

Falwless said...

KAZLOR SUX!!!!!!!!11

PMJG said...

I was surprised to find out that Kazlor the Mighty (All Hail Kazlor!) actually looks better in fishnets than Lady Fetishwear ever did.

geeimbored said...

NO Falwless, you'll get the internets eaten by Kazlor!

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

Mo: The Imaginary Reviewer is unable to respond to this message. His derogatory comments about the mighty Kazlor has earned him twenty years' re-education in the radium mines.

Dreckbarrr, Chief of Enslavening Programme

Falwless: The Imaginary Reviewer is unable to respond to this message. His derogatory comments about the mighty Kazlor has earned him twenty years' re-education in the radium mines.

Dreckbarrr, Chief of Enslavening Programme

PMJG: The Imaginary Reviewer is unable to respond to this message. His derogatory comments about the mighty Kazlor has earned him twenty years' re-education in the radium mines.

Dreckbarrr, Chief of Enslavening Programme

Geeimbored: The Imaginary Reviewer is unable to respond to this message. His derogatory comments about the mighty Kazlor has earned him twenty years' re-education in the radium mines.

Dreckbarrr, Chief of Enslavening Programme