Monday, 28 April 2008

The Imaginary Reviewer Writes a Letter: Part 1

If you're one of those people who enjoy reading the blurb to the right of the posts on The Imaginary Review, you'll know that I would ideally love to be reviewing things that actually exist. My love of reviewing things is so great that I'm content to write these reviews of non-existing objects, but I would be overjoyed if some magazine/journal/newspaper/whatever were to employ me for the sole purpose of applying my critical eye to things that are both real and not at all imaginary.

With this in mind, I have decided to take the bull by the horns and whore myself out to some local publications. Below is the first letter that I sent to the entertainment editor of our local entertainment newspaper, Now Toronto. The letter was sent more than two weeks ago, and I am yet to hear from them; presumably they're still counting all the money that they wish to offer me in exchange for writing their reviews.

Click on the pic to make it big and readable.


Anonymous said...

First of all: Good letter.

Excellent use of the word 'moxie'. Sounds a bit like 'poxy' but it couldn't be farther from the truth in meaning! Ha ha, words are funny!!!!!!!!

The trouble with a letter is that you have to write it. I mean you actually have to physically write it. You know, you scribble something down and word process it after editing and reading through it two or three times. I bet in the time it took you to write that letter you could have hugged at least eighty seven people eh? And if each one of those people had hugged another couple dozen people etc etc eventually a hug would reach Susan at the Magazine.

Now, don't get me wrong, she may disregard the hug and tell whoever hugged her to go f**k a squirrel- but, and this is the crucial point, you didn't have to write a letter to achieve that.

Think about it.

Hope you get the job,

Big Hugs,


Falwless said...

Seriously, seriously funny stuff. I just wrote a post about your blog I enjoyed it so much. Thanks for the laughs.

You can be sure I'll be back. Daily.

Feisty Democrat said...

I gave you a plug. Hope it helps.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

Sausage Lord: If I've learned anything from films, it's that newspaperpeople are very impressed by the word 'moxie'. Just ask J. Jonah Jameson. You know what? I enjoy writing letters. Believe me, there's another three waiting to be posted here, with even more on the way. Hugs are fine, but there's something beautiful about the first spell-check of the day.

Falwlass: Wow...thanks! You just made my day!

Mathdude: That's made my day for a second time...Susan G Cole won't know what hit her!