So sure, by now you’ve read Pitchfork/Rolling Stone/Now Toronto/Good Housekeeping and their lists of the top albums of the last ten years. Well, as they say in Ghent, we’re saving the best for last. Since November I have sat in my apartment doing nothing but listening to every single album released in every single country since January 1, 2000. And my God, it was worth it. Here are my picks for album of the decade, by genre.
Rock: Fuzzchomp Soundgesture by Cataclysmic Bendystraw (2005, Enterprising Buffoon Records)
Nothing ever came close to CB’s debut from five years ago. The lyrics were so meaningful that all the words in the songs have been banned from use because they will never again have such depth of evocativeness. The guitar sounds were so angular that more than twenty people were cut by sharp noises while listening to the album on headphones. The drums were so rhythmic that some women’s biological cycles attuned to them. This was the sound of the now, the moment, the second, the instant, and Cataclysmic Bendystraw made it sound like it was the future. And it was, in a way.
Honourable mentions:
Gosh, New York is Rather Splendid by The New York Band from New York (2001, New York Records)
Dave Grohl Side Project by The Dave Grohl Side Project Band (2007, Flummoxed by All These Buttons Records)
Hey! Where’s Dave? by The Foo Fighters (minus Dave Grohl) (2007, Record Label Recordings)
Dance: Di-Di-Di-Di-Di-Di-Di-Di-Rewind! by DJ Caddyshack Two and MC Finding Nemo (2003, Wickida Wickida Wack Records)
DJ Caddyshack Two and MC Finding Nemo really were the success story of the noughties. Their humble beginnings as palate cleansers in a New Jersey restaurant led to the biggest selling dance music record ever conceived, with more breaks, beats and funny whirring noises set to steady rhythms created using electronic music machines than any other album. My stand-out track is the one featuring a female vocalist repeating the same line about going out and partying throughout the song.
Honourable Mentions:
Is it Hot in Here or ARE WE DANCING OUR FACES OFF? by DJ Sarcastic and the Yeah Rights (2008, Milton Milton Recordings)
Embarrassing X-Ray by Microphone Insertion (2008, 2008 Records)
The Alex Mack Theme Tune Remix Album by Various Artists (2002, Nickelodeon Records)
Soul/R&B: Girl, I’m Going to Smother You in Lemonade Because the Fridge is Empty and I Forgot to Buy Sexy Smothering Foods by Bo D. Lee-Fluid (2008, Ouch! Records)
No album was sexier than this. Current estimates are that 45% of all children born since 2008 were conceived to this album; indeed, add animals to the equation and the number could be even higher. From ‘Second Wind’ to ‘Have some Kleenex’, all tracks are smooth, sensual and seductive, like that guy who took all my fine art. The only bad song on the album is the unfortunate ‘Girl, Why is there a Bulge in your Pants? (feat. Lady Gaga)’
Honourable Mentions:
None. They were all terrible.
Metal: Grrrthhhrrr NNnnnnggggnnnnrrrrthhhrrr by Ian Derwent and the Lazy Susan Trio (2009, Prawn Sandwich Recordings)
Many were surprised at the quality of this metal album, given that it was recorded by a 60-year-old crooner with three even older ladies backing him up on piano, glockenspiel and coronet. But it really was an excellent record, from the opening track ‘Pissing in the President’s Wound’ to album closer ‘Do you Mind Awfully if I Turn it Down?’ Metal will probably never be the same again, not that it ever was.
Honourable Mentions:
The Bad Man Took My Pens by Feast of Carrion
Some Older Boys Said a Mean Thing by Blood Corpse Death Angel
I Hurt My Leg When I Fell Off the Trampoline by Anal Leakage
Showing posts with label Albums of the year. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Albums of the year. Show all posts
Wednesday, 13 January 2010
Monday, 22 December 2008
The Imaginary Review’s Albums of the Year
It’s been a great year for music, from Incontinent Stoat’s long-overdue retirement from the industry in January to David Bowie releasing a CD made of ice last month. It’s been a year of controversy; who could forget Tina Turner’s shocking episode in Rio during which she dangled a goldfish from her hotel balcony as terrified fans looked on below?
But to dwell on the scandals would do a great disservice to the music itself, so without further adieu, here are my albums of the year.
1: Cat Power – The Covers of Covers of My Songs Album
Having released two albums of covers in recent years (The Covers Album and Jukebox), Chan Marshall ran out of songs to re-interpret, so she got other musicians to cover her own compositions, and then covered these covers. The results are frequently astounding, with her cover of Arcade Fire’s cover of American Flag staying beautifully true to the intent of the Montreal band’s interpretation of the song. Another highlight is her version of Jimmy Eat World’s version of Nude as the News.
2: Tribulation – Death to the Masses
Hailed by the press upon its release as “the quietest heavy metal album ever,” Death to the Masses is the best rock CD of the year. The trio of Gunther (Triangle), Maximo (Glockenspiel) and Curly Jack (Vocals and cowbell), proved that guitars are not necessary for true bloodrushing, cockroaring RAWK. Tribulation are also a great live band, with Maximo’s Glockenspiel solos really creating a stir in the mosh pit.
3: John Folk – Songs I Wrote in a Field
The best folk album of the year came from one of the most controversial acts in the genre. But while many folk music fans were engrossed in the real beard/fake beard rumours, anyone overlooking the music itself was missing out. With gems like I did a Dance (and you did the Postman) and Nettles, Nettles for my Soup, this was the folk album of 2008.
4: The Websters – The Websters
The Websters are a band who are far too obscure and cool for you to have heard of. Don’t even bother looking for this record, you’ll never find it. You lowly music ignoramus.
5: Marcus Bragstaff – Genius: A Tribute to Marcus Bragstaff
It took some guts for this previously unknown singer/songwriter to write and record a tribute album to himself, but it works remarkably. With great singalong tracks like My Accomplishments are as Numerous as They are Impressive and All this and a Massive Cock, Too, this is a great album from an explosive new talent. And doesn’t he know it!
6: Poppy o’Tippett – Tha Wreckord
Fans and detractors alike scoffed at Sean ‘Puffy/Puff Daddy/P Diddy/Poppa Doodle’ Combs’ new look and name change, but he silenced all of them with this album of phat beats, kicking rhymes and other things that make me sound like an idiot when I write them down.
7: Johnny Triplet and the Doublets – Love Songs for Mary
8: Johnny Triplet and the Doublets – Songs of Hate for the Bitch who Cheated on me with Greg
What a great pair of releases by Johnny Triplet in 2008, both of which made my top ten! Who could forget such classic pieces of music as Your Eyes and Your Eyes (Stab Them! Redux)? And my song of the summer had to be Greg? Seriously? You Cheated on me With Greg? He has a Face Like a Stool Sample, For Crying Out Loud. Classic.
9: The Chucklefun Brigade – Enough Cuddles and Love to Kill a Donkey
While many people thought the Chucklefun Brigade were a super-sweet, saccharine pop band, I saw through their guise. This album is one of the darkest of 2008, and my dreams will be haunted by the visions of pure terror that emanate from songs like Let’s Be Friends Forever and Gosh, Aren’t Kittens Wonderful?
10: The Imaginary Reviewer – Songs for Swinging Reviewers
Of course I’m biased, but this was a truly fantastic album. Sure, the critics and buying public overlooked it, but what do they know? Nothing. I’m a professional toilet cleaner and a reviewer, and I think it’s ace. So there.
But to dwell on the scandals would do a great disservice to the music itself, so without further adieu, here are my albums of the year.
1: Cat Power – The Covers of Covers of My Songs Album
Having released two albums of covers in recent years (The Covers Album and Jukebox), Chan Marshall ran out of songs to re-interpret, so she got other musicians to cover her own compositions, and then covered these covers. The results are frequently astounding, with her cover of Arcade Fire’s cover of American Flag staying beautifully true to the intent of the Montreal band’s interpretation of the song. Another highlight is her version of Jimmy Eat World’s version of Nude as the News.
2: Tribulation – Death to the Masses
Hailed by the press upon its release as “the quietest heavy metal album ever,” Death to the Masses is the best rock CD of the year. The trio of Gunther (Triangle), Maximo (Glockenspiel) and Curly Jack (Vocals and cowbell), proved that guitars are not necessary for true bloodrushing, cockroaring RAWK. Tribulation are also a great live band, with Maximo’s Glockenspiel solos really creating a stir in the mosh pit.
3: John Folk – Songs I Wrote in a Field
The best folk album of the year came from one of the most controversial acts in the genre. But while many folk music fans were engrossed in the real beard/fake beard rumours, anyone overlooking the music itself was missing out. With gems like I did a Dance (and you did the Postman) and Nettles, Nettles for my Soup, this was the folk album of 2008.
4: The Websters – The Websters
The Websters are a band who are far too obscure and cool for you to have heard of. Don’t even bother looking for this record, you’ll never find it. You lowly music ignoramus.
5: Marcus Bragstaff – Genius: A Tribute to Marcus Bragstaff
It took some guts for this previously unknown singer/songwriter to write and record a tribute album to himself, but it works remarkably. With great singalong tracks like My Accomplishments are as Numerous as They are Impressive and All this and a Massive Cock, Too, this is a great album from an explosive new talent. And doesn’t he know it!
6: Poppy o’Tippett – Tha Wreckord
Fans and detractors alike scoffed at Sean ‘Puffy/Puff Daddy/P Diddy/Poppa Doodle’ Combs’ new look and name change, but he silenced all of them with this album of phat beats, kicking rhymes and other things that make me sound like an idiot when I write them down.
7: Johnny Triplet and the Doublets – Love Songs for Mary
8: Johnny Triplet and the Doublets – Songs of Hate for the Bitch who Cheated on me with Greg
What a great pair of releases by Johnny Triplet in 2008, both of which made my top ten! Who could forget such classic pieces of music as Your Eyes and Your Eyes (Stab Them! Redux)? And my song of the summer had to be Greg? Seriously? You Cheated on me With Greg? He has a Face Like a Stool Sample, For Crying Out Loud. Classic.
9: The Chucklefun Brigade – Enough Cuddles and Love to Kill a Donkey
While many people thought the Chucklefun Brigade were a super-sweet, saccharine pop band, I saw through their guise. This album is one of the darkest of 2008, and my dreams will be haunted by the visions of pure terror that emanate from songs like Let’s Be Friends Forever and Gosh, Aren’t Kittens Wonderful?
10: The Imaginary Reviewer – Songs for Swinging Reviewers
Of course I’m biased, but this was a truly fantastic album. Sure, the critics and buying public overlooked it, but what do they know? Nothing. I’m a professional toilet cleaner and a reviewer, and I think it’s ace. So there.
Saturday, 8 December 2007
Special Imaginary Review: Albums of the Year
It's the end of the year, and I'm a geeky male. Put those two facts together and what do you get? Lists! Here's my top 10 albums of 2007!
1) Broken Pelvis: Songs About Matthew Perry
If you'd have come to me a year ago and said that best album of 2007 would be 12 tracks of devotion to a former Friends cast member sung by an Australian band who were brought together in a snowboarding accident, I'd have punched you in the spleen and called you a bloody liar. But I'd be apologising to you now and conceding that you were right all along, possibly allowing you to give me a dead arm as compensation. This album was an emotional roller coaster, including such highlights as 'I Know You Didn't Really Love Courteney Cox' , 'I'll be Your Joey' and 'Could You Be Any More Lovely?' The first time I listened to this album, I cried. Now I only need to think about this album and I cry. I'm crying now, dammit.
2) Shatterstar: Got You in my Fridge
Shatterstar were the break-through band of the year, and Got You in my Fridge has to be the strongest debut of 2007. The album is a rip-roaring cacophony of noisy guitars and songs about homework and decapitation. Their live shows lived up to the recording, too, with the entire band playing on pogo sticks. Gimmick or not, this was music at its most exciting.
3) The London Philharmonic Orchestra with Einstruzende Neubaten: Unlistenable Tripe
Take a full orchestra, steal their instruments and give them a load of power tools. Now shoot their regular conductor and have them play the power tools while conducted at gunpoint by the German noise band Einsturzende Neubaten. What do you have? The third best album of the year, that's what. Somewhere amongst the wailing, the feedback, the unstoppable cacophony of drilling, breaking and weeping, you can literally hear the beauty.
4) Bleep: Bleep
The sound of the summer had to be Bleepcore, and the sound was epitomised by Bleep, whose album remains high on the charts despite being outlawed by the government. The critics called it 'dance music that you can listen to', and nobody is more right about everything than critics. I should know. I am one. Altogether now, 'Bleeeeeeep!'
5) Runny Egg Slippage: The Mauve Album
The Mauve Album saw Runny Egg Slippage reform after fifteen years. Nobody was holding their breath, however, as nobody heard of the band the first time around. The quality of songs like 'Tamboureeeeeeen' and 'Gruntflap' sent people flocking to second hand shops to find copies of their first album which was, unfortunately, shite.
6) Death by Dry Hump: Off Biscuits
From the other side of the pond, Death by Dry Hump made it okay to fall in love again, after it was banned by Puff Daddy in 2005. This is the sound of five men who know what they're doing with their instruments, doing their instruments. And doing it well. Fans of the band will be pleased to know that they are going to appear in the next Hostel movie next autumn.
7) Iggy Pop and Friends: Duets
While some of this album was teeth-grindingly awful, some of it was orgasmic. When Iggy and Tony Bennett sing 'Strawberry Fields Forever' together, you know that these are two men who have lived every word of this song. The uptempo cover of Aerosmith's 'Janey's Got a Gun' with rapper Snow always puts a smile on my face.
8) Bum Gravy: Self-Taught
Bum Gravy are a three-piece band who live down my road and who promised to brick my windows if I didn't give them a plug on my website. I fear them.
9) The Number Four: The Number Two
With all the hype surrounding The Number Four's follow up to their debut album, The Number One, it was easy to forget about the music. That was a shame, though, as the music was quite nice. Lead track 'Caisse Populaire DesJardins' was a stomping rocker that echoed Slade at their best, while 'Is it Wrong to eat Dolphin?' was raucous and fresh, if somewhat politically incorrect. Top.
10) There is no number 10. Sorry, I only listened to nine albums this year.
1) Broken Pelvis: Songs About Matthew Perry
If you'd have come to me a year ago and said that best album of 2007 would be 12 tracks of devotion to a former Friends cast member sung by an Australian band who were brought together in a snowboarding accident, I'd have punched you in the spleen and called you a bloody liar. But I'd be apologising to you now and conceding that you were right all along, possibly allowing you to give me a dead arm as compensation. This album was an emotional roller coaster, including such highlights as 'I Know You Didn't Really Love Courteney Cox' , 'I'll be Your Joey' and 'Could You Be Any More Lovely?' The first time I listened to this album, I cried. Now I only need to think about this album and I cry. I'm crying now, dammit.
2) Shatterstar: Got You in my Fridge
Shatterstar were the break-through band of the year, and Got You in my Fridge has to be the strongest debut of 2007. The album is a rip-roaring cacophony of noisy guitars and songs about homework and decapitation. Their live shows lived up to the recording, too, with the entire band playing on pogo sticks. Gimmick or not, this was music at its most exciting.
3) The London Philharmonic Orchestra with Einstruzende Neubaten: Unlistenable Tripe
Take a full orchestra, steal their instruments and give them a load of power tools. Now shoot their regular conductor and have them play the power tools while conducted at gunpoint by the German noise band Einsturzende Neubaten. What do you have? The third best album of the year, that's what. Somewhere amongst the wailing, the feedback, the unstoppable cacophony of drilling, breaking and weeping, you can literally hear the beauty.
4) Bleep: Bleep
The sound of the summer had to be Bleepcore, and the sound was epitomised by Bleep, whose album remains high on the charts despite being outlawed by the government. The critics called it 'dance music that you can listen to', and nobody is more right about everything than critics. I should know. I am one. Altogether now, 'Bleeeeeeep!'
5) Runny Egg Slippage: The Mauve Album
The Mauve Album saw Runny Egg Slippage reform after fifteen years. Nobody was holding their breath, however, as nobody heard of the band the first time around. The quality of songs like 'Tamboureeeeeeen' and 'Gruntflap' sent people flocking to second hand shops to find copies of their first album which was, unfortunately, shite.
6) Death by Dry Hump: Off Biscuits
From the other side of the pond, Death by Dry Hump made it okay to fall in love again, after it was banned by Puff Daddy in 2005. This is the sound of five men who know what they're doing with their instruments, doing their instruments. And doing it well. Fans of the band will be pleased to know that they are going to appear in the next Hostel movie next autumn.
7) Iggy Pop and Friends: Duets
While some of this album was teeth-grindingly awful, some of it was orgasmic. When Iggy and Tony Bennett sing 'Strawberry Fields Forever' together, you know that these are two men who have lived every word of this song. The uptempo cover of Aerosmith's 'Janey's Got a Gun' with rapper Snow always puts a smile on my face.
8) Bum Gravy: Self-Taught
Bum Gravy are a three-piece band who live down my road and who promised to brick my windows if I didn't give them a plug on my website. I fear them.
9) The Number Four: The Number Two
With all the hype surrounding The Number Four's follow up to their debut album, The Number One, it was easy to forget about the music. That was a shame, though, as the music was quite nice. Lead track 'Caisse Populaire DesJardins' was a stomping rocker that echoed Slade at their best, while 'Is it Wrong to eat Dolphin?' was raucous and fresh, if somewhat politically incorrect. Top.
10) There is no number 10. Sorry, I only listened to nine albums this year.
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