Music Review: Your Band

I just saw Your Band playing live and I’ve got to admit, I’m quite impressed. That first song you played (what was it called again? ‘The Gits’? ‘The Grits’? ‘The Shits’? Something like that) was pretty good. The solo wasn’t much to write home about, but then again, I hear that your guitarist has only been with the band for a few weeks, so it’s probably a bit early to be judging him harshly. The chorus was really catchy, though. I was humming it all day afterwards.

Your Band are going to go places if you can get a few more songs in your repertoire. But no more covers; yes, that faster, rockier version of A Cheesy 80s Classic was pretty funny, but you don’t want to overdo it. You have a good mix of fast and slow ones, too, which I liked. It gave the crowd a bit of a break from moshing when you played a slower number. Well, when I say ‘crowd’, I’m referring to that one drunk guy who was moshing at the front. Maybe you know him? Is he related to one of the band members?

If I had one complaint about Your Band it would be the keyboardist. He really needs to be replaced. What’s with all the prog rock noodling? It doesn’t go with the otherwise flawless rock aesthetic. I don’t care if he owns the bongos, you can always buy cheap bongos at a music store. Your Band doesn’t need him.

Seriously...what were you thinking?

But you know what Your Band does need? A hot female bassist. Bands with hot female bassists always get more attention. It’s the phallic symbolism that comes from an attractive woman running he hand up and down a long bass fret board. And you wouldn’t have to get rid of the current bassist, Your Band could have two bassists. It could be a gimmick. Gimmicks never hurt. Yeah, two bassists, one of them a hot female: that would rule.

All in all, I’d say Your Band are fairly decent, but they still need to practice. The singer didn’t have much of a stage presence, either. Oh wait, that was you? Really?

Your Band will be playing in a load of dives and shit-holes until the first whiff of label interest triggers in-group fighting and you split up in a huge cloud of acrimony. Your Band’s first single is an MP3 available on the website that Your Band’s drummer’s brother made in his spare time.