Sunday, 1 February 2009

The Imaginary Reviewer Writes a Letter, Part the Sixth

For some of my newer readers, the hatred and anger I occasionally show to Now Magazine may be confusing. What do I have against Toronto's largest and most revered listings publication? Why do I write mean things about them - such as the fact that everyone who works for them smells of poo and hates freedom - on my blog?

Well, click on the links to the right, entitled "The Imaginary Reviewer Writes a Letter" Parts 1 to 4, and you shall see why. I wrote several letters of extraordinary quality to that very journal early last year, asking them for a reviewing job, and they did not have the decency to send a single reply. Part 5 of that series showed me receiving similar treatment at the hands of Toronto's second listings magazine, Eye Weekly.

Well, screw them. Screw them hard in the bum.

Now Magazine had their chance. They could have hired me to write reviews for them, and they would have been inundated with fan mail and increased ad revenue, but no. Now I wouldn't even write a review for them if they begged me to. I have set my sights higher, far, far away from the Papist dogs of Toronto's awful magazine. I have set my sights on something much better: Vancouver's Georgia Straight listings magazine.

The letter reproduced below was sent to the editor of the Georgia Straight several weeks ago. As it had to travel from one side to the other of the second largest country in the world, I am not surprised that I am still yet to hear back from them, and I remain confident that an offer of long-term employment will be soon forthcoming.

As usual, click on the small image for a far more readable version.


Distributorcap said...

they have no idea what they are missing

Anonymous said...

The funny thing is: he really does mail the letters.

Bitterly Indifferent said...

Note to self:

Use "embiggening" more in pitch letters to magazines.

Also, warn more editors that they will be "shocked by the power of your own wrongness."

This is way more instructional than that book I bought on getting published.

Anonymous said...

Those Canucks know shit.

Come to Vegas and review some sparkly shows. Like mine. I bribe well and I'd keep you well lubricated. In the alcohol department I mean, nothin' dirty. Jesus.

Some Guy said...

They'd be fools not to hire you.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

DCap: So true, so very true.

FMIR: Well, that's one of the funny things. The letters themselves are also funny things.

PMJG: Yeah, I'm pretty much self-taught.

Tony: You got yourself a deal, sir!

Some Guy: Can I quote you in my next letter?

Dr Zibbs said...

I just fell off my chair laughing at the comment you left on my blog!!!