Last Week’s Guest Post: Reviewed!

Thanks again to PMJG for his great guest post last week. I’m sure you’ll agree that he did an excellent job of reviewing That Which Does Not Exist, but let’s have a look at his review in more detail.

One thing that struck me about the review was his strict adherence to the first rule of reviewing, namely the “beginning-middle-end” law. The beginning of the review was located squarely at the start of the piece, in accordance with the guidelines set out by the International Imaginary Review Control Committee. The end of the review occurred at the end, and the middle was located between the two. PMJG decided to mix things up a little bit with regard to the middle section, however, splitting it up and adding a second beginning and a pseudo-end/middle-amalgamation (known in the trade as a ‘gutwrench’) between the fourth and fifth semicolons. This is a difficult move to pull off, but I think he succeeded.

Nothing shouts “amateur” more than an incorrectly parsed diphthong, and I believe PMJG was successful in avoiding this elementary mistake.

If I have one qualm with the vocabulary of this review, it’s that a little more time could have been spent including the words ‘parsimonious’ and ‘happenstance’. Every review should contain these words, as well as ‘qualm’, which I used in the previous sentence.

One advanced technique often seen by reviewers of things that don’t exist is the flat-back d-line cusp return, in which the proto-assessment is interrupted by a distempered quality-endowment reflection of the backhand scrutinisation manifold. This is a terrible technique and I hate it more than I hate liquorice. Thankfully PMJG avoided it like I avoid that man who lives down my street and always seems to wear the same pair of pants.

PMJG’s review was certainly bold, with subtle tannins and balsamic undertones. It had overtures of carbuncle and spatchcock, and for my money would be great when paired with a pasta dish or something containing raisins.

PMJG is available for the reviewing of Glenn Madeiros songs, TV shows broadcast between 7:00 and 8:00 (both am and pm) and films beginning with ‘Y’ or ‘W’ (but not the film ‘W’ as that’s a bit much, really).