Whether you’re on a date, escaping enemy agents or just someone who enjoys chewing loudly to annoy other people, the cinema is a great place to spend a few hours. Here’s my rundown of the films you can see right now.
Initial Conditions stars Nicholas Cage as a professor of Chaos Theory in an unnamed university. When his parents are killed by a tornado in his home town, he travels to Asia with the aim of finding and killing the butterfly responsible for starting it. What he discovers is an insect/weather conspiracy of gigantic proportions. Initial Conditions is a silly film, but really utilises Cage’s sole facial expression (that of a confused man-child). Jet Li co-stars, with a great soundtrack from DJ Sweatpants.
Working Relationship is the latest romantic comedy from the writers of My Boyfriend is a Squid and Intercourse Office. It stars Matthew McConaughey as a terrible actor who is constantly typecast as the leading man in absolutely woeful romantic comedies. Sandra Bullock plays his agent, and while she struggles to find him work in the latest high-brow arthouse film, the two of them film love. This film made me vomit, and the product of this vomiting episode was nicer to look at that the tripe on the screen. Co-starring Kevin Smith as Silent Bob.
Big Birds Existential Adventure was reviewed last week.
The Fastest and the Furiousest sees Vin Diesel racing dragster cars along incredibly straight roads against other dragster drivers while being chased by the police and the mafia. Watch with awe as the action star manages to maintain a completely collinear route without losing his hard man image. Who will deploy their parachute brakes first? Co-starring Vanessa Hudgens and a big truck with enough room underneath it for a car to barely pass through.
Indiana Jones and the Ruined Childhood Memories is another big-budget action sequel which sees Harrison Ford don the fedora and whip for more cartoony fun. This time, while Indy is hunting for the makers of a substandard Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles sequel he uncovers a plot to bastardize all things that everyone once held dear. But who is behind it? The answer shocks Jones to his very core. Guest starring George Lucas as the evil mastermind.
Coming Soon:
The Even More Fastest and the Absolute Zenith of Furiousness
Saw VI: Saw Hard With a Vengeance
Tyler Perry’s Isn’t Eddie Murphy in this?
The Slow and the Calm
An Annoying Full-of-Himself Man Gets His Comeuppance with Excruciating but Hilarious Results: The Movie
The Even Faster than Before (Which is Saying Something Because Before it was as Fast as is Physically Possible) and the so Furious it Makes Something Really Angry Look Positively Sedate
Showing posts with label cinema. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cinema. Show all posts
Thursday, 23 April 2009
Saturday, 10 November 2007
The 2007 International Public Safety Broadcast Festival
The 2006 International Public Safety Broadcast Festival only seems like it was twelve months ago. With that in mind, it shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone that the 2007 International Public Safety Broadcast Festival was recently held in Guelph. We sent one of reporters there to witness the carnage.
The broadcast that had everybody talking throughout the festival was the public hygiene warning created by Jessops Martin Advertising. The fifteen-second ad is designed to be shown before the movie in specially adapted cinemas. Various people are seen preparing food while a grim-sounding voice intones, ‘Not washing your hands before preparing food is like throwing blood over your children.’ The screen then goes dark and the voice says, ‘Do you want bloodied children?’. Two cannon then fire blood and animal entrails over the audience from each side of the cinema screen, ramming the point home. This ad received a standing ovation from the back four rows of the theatre.
No less shocking was the anti-obesity ad from the government of New Zealand. For two whole minutes a bully stares at the viewer from the screen while letting rip a barrage of weight-based insults. He then pushes a Mars Bar into the camera, squashing it. Apparently, since it started being shown on television in New Zealand, several thousand overweight Kiwis have cried themselves thinner.
The award for ‘Most Puzzling Ad at the Festival’ if there was one (and there isn’t, but that’s beside the point, if there was one, which there is), would go to the Simonon And On Advertising Company’s public service announcement, ‘Stay Away From Pylons’. The ad lasts for 25 seconds and features footage of two rabbits sitting in a field eating grass while a guitar plays a soothing tune. At the very end of the ad the campaign slogan ‘Stay Away From Pylons!’ flashes onscreen. Bizarre.
Other noteworthy campaigns include the Mexican anti-smoking measures in which random smoking members of the public are set on fire by mobs, the eye-catching 'Wet Paint’ signs printed by John Morris of the Red Lion Pub, Leicester, and Microsoft’s famed ad campaign in which a series of Apple computers explode, killing their owners and eventually destroying the world.
The broadcast that had everybody talking throughout the festival was the public hygiene warning created by Jessops Martin Advertising. The fifteen-second ad is designed to be shown before the movie in specially adapted cinemas. Various people are seen preparing food while a grim-sounding voice intones, ‘Not washing your hands before preparing food is like throwing blood over your children.’ The screen then goes dark and the voice says, ‘Do you want bloodied children?’. Two cannon then fire blood and animal entrails over the audience from each side of the cinema screen, ramming the point home. This ad received a standing ovation from the back four rows of the theatre.
No less shocking was the anti-obesity ad from the government of New Zealand. For two whole minutes a bully stares at the viewer from the screen while letting rip a barrage of weight-based insults. He then pushes a Mars Bar into the camera, squashing it. Apparently, since it started being shown on television in New Zealand, several thousand overweight Kiwis have cried themselves thinner.
The award for ‘Most Puzzling Ad at the Festival’ if there was one (and there isn’t, but that’s beside the point, if there was one, which there is), would go to the Simonon And On Advertising Company’s public service announcement, ‘Stay Away From Pylons’. The ad lasts for 25 seconds and features footage of two rabbits sitting in a field eating grass while a guitar plays a soothing tune. At the very end of the ad the campaign slogan ‘Stay Away From Pylons!’ flashes onscreen. Bizarre.
Other noteworthy campaigns include the Mexican anti-smoking measures in which random smoking members of the public are set on fire by mobs, the eye-catching 'Wet Paint’ signs printed by John Morris of the Red Lion Pub, Leicester, and Microsoft’s famed ad campaign in which a series of Apple computers explode, killing their owners and eventually destroying the world.
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