Here at the Imaginary Review, I like to be at the front line of linguistic creation. Lest we forget, I am responsible for the genesis of such excellent new words and phrases as ‘Cockroar’, ‘Apewail’ and ‘Cacophonic bellyhurt of wonderyay’. I’m sure you’ll agree, it’s only a matter of time before everyone is using these on a regular basis, even newsreaders, tennis players and high court judges.
Given this loyalty to the cause of clause applause, I think I am more than able to analyse some of the latest new words and phrases that are hitting the streets like suicidal bankers. Here are my findings!
Chump-trumpet is the new slang word for a mobile phone that is hopelessly outdated and doesn’t even have picture taking capabilities, let alone a terabyte-sized storage space for Panic at the Disco songs. (Example usage: “What’s that brick you’ve got there, John? Oh Christ, that’s a chump trumpet and no mistaking”)
This is a great phrase, with a pleasing almost-rhyming sound and wonderful mouth movements that feel like kisses. I’ll be using this phrase to put down all of my friends who aren’t at the bleeding edge of technological attainment, like me. Rating: A-
Gibbonning is the name given to the practice of employing attractive people to canvas for charities and religious cults in busy shopping centres. Now illegal in many parts of Europe and Australia, Gibbonning typically involves a young man being approached by a gorgeous and friendly young lady. He stops, gets talking and realises too late that she is about to force a copy of The Watchtower on him. (Example usage: “Stay away from that girl over there; she gibbonned me into becoming a Scientologist”)
The word itself is somewhat awkward, and is a little misleading given the context of the abuse of beauty. Rating: D+
Panty Banjo is the impressive skill of removing one’s underwear without affecting the outer garments. While this has been a party trick for many years when done with a bra, young people these days are becoming increasingly adept at panty banjo while wearing jeans. It has to be seen to be believed. (Example usage: “How did he manage that panty banjo while he was wearing leather trousers?”)
Panty banjo is a great little phrase, as the ‘banjo’ part evokes both images of a deftness of fingers and a useless skill. It sounds nice to hear, but saying it can be cumbersome, especially for someone whose lips have a rubber index of more than 8. Rating: B
Gnapply refers to the state of being irritable and bad-tempered after drinking too many carbonated energy drinks. Known in some US states as a ‘judder spasm’, this condition has been known to have caused at least one death since 1998. (Example usage: “Sorry for kicking your aunt last night, mate, I was a bit gnapply”)
I’m somewhat ambivalent towards this phrase. I’m not sure why. The silent ‘g’ really gives it a kick from the start, but by ‘ly’ at the end I’ve lost interest. Plus it also has the potential to be mistaken for ‘nipply’, which, as we all know, is what happens to ladies when it’s cold and Orlando Bloom is on TV. Rating: C+
Showing posts with label words. Show all posts
Showing posts with label words. Show all posts
Wednesday, 8 October 2008
Monday, 12 November 2007
The New Collins Dictionary is out!
Just as the day is always followed by night, the release of a new updated Collins dictionary is always – inevitably! - followed by controversy. While the outcries that have come after recent publications have not matched the riots and uproar that occurred during 1976 (when the dictionary ruled that ‘cactus’ was no longer a word and that the past participle of ‘run’ was ‘graven’) there have always been a few out-of-joint noses whenever Collins go to press.
This year will certainly be no different. The Imaginary Review has got its grubby little hands on an advance copy and linguists everywhere are going to be affected by the contents. In fact, anyone who uses the English language on a regular basis will certainly need to pay heed.
One of the major changes to the English dictionary is the removal of the word ‘Because’. The reasoning behind this remains mysterious; we asked a Collins representative why they had deemed the word unnecessary, and they replied that they ‘didn’t need to explain themselves’. Our own guess at why this word is no longer part of the English language is due to the fact that people have stopped trying to explain and excuse things, they just pass the buck on to someone else. The lack of the word ‘because’ will certainly make things much more difficult for people to explain events.
A new word that the people at Collins have introduced is ‘Crotny’. It is an adjective that refers to the unpleasant feeling one gets when a commercial break arrives in a TV program and it only seems like two minutes since the last. Other additions include ‘flad’ - an attractive female who is often mistaken for a ladyboy – and ‘yopling’, an activity that requires as-yet uninvented equipment.
Collins 2008 has some interesting new prescriptions. ‘Terse’ can no longer be translated into Spanish, and not before time if you ask me. ‘Shower’ and ‘Hovercraft’ have now swapped definitions, a move that will probably cause more problems in Dover than anywhere else. ‘Buffoon’ now has the added definition, ‘a small area of carpet infested with estate agents’.
While the people at Collins claim to have the best interests of the English language at heart, it is somewhat unclear as to how their new dictionary will achieve any advancement for the language or its speakers. Removing ‘because’ from usage will certainly lessen the depth and clarity that English has. Furthermore, the novel new idea of ‘sin-binning’ some words for various perceived penalties is not without its drawbacks; what good can come of banning the words ‘hedgehog’, ‘alimony’ and ‘gumption’ for two years?
On the plus side, however, the book has some good new touches, including the inclusion of page numbers that advance upwards from ‘one’, and also some vouchers for reduced entry into various attractions. But these benefits are outweighed by some questionable decisions in the content.
The 2008 Collins Dictionary is out now, priced a few quid. If you want one with a thesaurus, you must provide a video of you kicking a Spaniard in the shins.
This year will certainly be no different. The Imaginary Review has got its grubby little hands on an advance copy and linguists everywhere are going to be affected by the contents. In fact, anyone who uses the English language on a regular basis will certainly need to pay heed.
One of the major changes to the English dictionary is the removal of the word ‘Because’. The reasoning behind this remains mysterious; we asked a Collins representative why they had deemed the word unnecessary, and they replied that they ‘didn’t need to explain themselves’. Our own guess at why this word is no longer part of the English language is due to the fact that people have stopped trying to explain and excuse things, they just pass the buck on to someone else. The lack of the word ‘because’ will certainly make things much more difficult for people to explain events.
A new word that the people at Collins have introduced is ‘Crotny’. It is an adjective that refers to the unpleasant feeling one gets when a commercial break arrives in a TV program and it only seems like two minutes since the last. Other additions include ‘flad’ - an attractive female who is often mistaken for a ladyboy – and ‘yopling’, an activity that requires as-yet uninvented equipment.
Collins 2008 has some interesting new prescriptions. ‘Terse’ can no longer be translated into Spanish, and not before time if you ask me. ‘Shower’ and ‘Hovercraft’ have now swapped definitions, a move that will probably cause more problems in Dover than anywhere else. ‘Buffoon’ now has the added definition, ‘a small area of carpet infested with estate agents’.
While the people at Collins claim to have the best interests of the English language at heart, it is somewhat unclear as to how their new dictionary will achieve any advancement for the language or its speakers. Removing ‘because’ from usage will certainly lessen the depth and clarity that English has. Furthermore, the novel new idea of ‘sin-binning’ some words for various perceived penalties is not without its drawbacks; what good can come of banning the words ‘hedgehog’, ‘alimony’ and ‘gumption’ for two years?
On the plus side, however, the book has some good new touches, including the inclusion of page numbers that advance upwards from ‘one’, and also some vouchers for reduced entry into various attractions. But these benefits are outweighed by some questionable decisions in the content.
The 2008 Collins Dictionary is out now, priced a few quid. If you want one with a thesaurus, you must provide a video of you kicking a Spaniard in the shins.
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