Tuesday, 28 October 2008

Meme Indulgence

I've been tagged on the current meme that's doing the rounds by two people, which I guess means that people want to know some odd facts about me. The rules of this very popular meme are as follows:

1. Link to the person that tagged you

2. Post the rules on your blog

3. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself

4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs

5. Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website

6. Let your tagger know when your entry is up

So, here we are, six non-important Reviewing-based things about The Imaginary Reviewer:

1: My first published review was for my high school computing and video games magazine, Flipback, when I was 11. It was a review of a game for the ZX Spectrum called Kwik Snax, in which you controlled a boxing glove-wearing egg called Dizzy and had to push objects around a room to kill enemies and collect fruit. I gave it an excellent review, as it was my favourite game at the time.

Flipback magazine was universally hated due to the fact that it was written by six of the most uncool people in the whole school (myself included). It ran for two issues before internal strife caused the magazine to implode. I played Kwik Snax on a Spectrum emulator two months ago and completed it on my first go.

2: As a music reviewer for my University newspaper, I wanted to write as much as possible, so I volunteered to review the stuff nobody else wanted. As such, my first published piece for the paper was a review of a single by Chris De Burgh, called ‘A Woman’s Heart’. I gave it one star and used the CD as a very dangerous Frisbee in my back garden.

3: I gained notoriety in my student newspaper for writing scathing reviews, to the point where the editor would refuse to give the utter shite stuff to anyone else but me. I will never forget the announcement he made during one such editorial meeting: “Okay, next up for grabs is the new single by Tom Jones featuring the Stereophonics, a cover of ‘Mama told me not to come’. I think you’ll all agree, we need to give this to [The Imaginary Reviewer], as he can give it the treatment it so sorely deserves.”

As a result of this, I still have a large collection of terrible CDs, including singles by the Moffatts, the Motorhomes and Remy Zero.

4: The best review I ever wrote was an informative review of a Noh Theatre performance I attended when I lived in Japan. I’d reprint it here but this isn’t really the place for reviews of things that do exist. If I ever start the Maginary Review (?) you can read it.

5: My hero in the world of reviewing is the former NME writer Steven Wells. In the January 26, 2001 issue of the New Musical Express, he reviewed the single ‘Always: Your Way’ by the band My Vitriol thusly:

“Fuck bollocks wank fuck shit AAAAAAAARGH!”

Clearly, the man is a genius.

6: The precursor to the letters I have sent to Now Toronto and Eye Weekly magazines (reprinted on this blog) was a letter I sent to the makers of Kit-Kat chocolate bars, nearly 5 years ago. I related an incident in which I had eaten a Kat-Kat bar in which the wafer was missing from half of each individual finger. I adopted the voice of an aging professor and the letter included a diagram of the bar in question, made using WordArt. I received a lovely response which outlined the manufacturing process and how it can occasionally lead to such events.

7: I can say, with all honesty and forthrightness, that I, the Imaginary Reviewer, have a fantastic arse.

I know I was only required to do six facts, but that last one was sufficiently important for me to break the rules.

I now have to nominate some other people for the meme. I think just about everyone in the world and their mum has either done this or been nominated, so I'd like to nominate The Sausage Lord, who used to comment on my blog and who didn't have a blog of their own then. Where are you, Sausage Lord? Who are you, Sausage Lord? What are you doing now, oh Lord of the Sausages?

I miss you.


Dr Zibbs said...

yeah this all sounds imaginary

Mo said...

Ha HA! You got roped into doing this, too. I feel so much better now that I know others are suffering with me...

(“Fuck bollocks wank fuck shit AAAAAAAARGH!” Brilliant.)

Red said...

I think I speak for all the ladies of Blogger everywhere when I say we need proof of #7.

Falwless said...

Yes, definitely. Proof required. YouTube or it didn't happen. (I dunno, I just like saying that.)

Anonymous said...

Another "need proof for #7" here!

Anonymous said...

He pads it, it's much less impressive when it's not imaginary.

Anonymous said...

My Vitriol were fucking superb band and, I hasten to add, do I not remember a small flyer for 'Always your way' gracing somebody's bedroom wall as a wee nipper? In fact, isn't it still there..?

Gwen said...

I ran into the Sausage Lord at the water cooler. He asked me to tell you to piss off. Don't shoot the messenger. Great post!

Dale said...

You are a fantastic arse, why does nobody believe you?

Now I want to read all of your University era reviews!