As with any passing technological fad, mobile phones are here to stay. Nothing screams “2008” more than the sight of a pensioner in a coffee shop shouting down her phone at her investment banker, or a toddler hitting a bemused dog with a Nokia 9900 Series. The latest phones to hit your pocket are reviewed now!
First off, the Samsung Happy Slapper V310 SE comes with a video recorder that allows ultra-close zoom, allowing you to perfectly capture those grimaces of pain from the stranger that your mates just punched in the back of the head. The phone also comes with the latest in ‘Rascal Escape’ technology; pressing a certain combination of buttons releases an oil slick or an eruption of ball bearings, should you get chased by you slapped victim or the police. Oh, and apparently it takes phone calls.
New from Sony is the DigiPuzzle 5500i. It holds up to 50,000 songs, views web pages and can even create spreadsheets using a special knob, but only if you can release it from a cunning array of metallic brain-teasing puzzles. And hurry! If you fail to free it from the trap within two weeks of purchase, it will explode. Once you’ve got the phone out of the puzzle box casing, each call can only be received by answering three riddles correctly. This is THE phone for crossword puzzle enthusiasts.
Tomy have released a phone especially aimed at neonates. It comes in a choice of three bright colours and has a big smiley face on it. Made in China, it is incredibly dangerous for your child if they put it in their mouth, but, let’s face it, if you have a child who puts things in their mouth all the time, it’ll just be a matter of years before they’ve stabbed themselves in the face with a breadknife, isn’t it? Evolution, kids! Don’t put random objects in your mouth, or you’ll be removed from the gene pool!
Finally, a new phone from Nokia secretes an artificially created hormone that makes you feel guilty whenever you tell a lie. The OmniPot CDMB6 also makes horrendous crying noises when you eat snack food, shows a picture of Jesus looking stern if you think impure thoughts and plays a video of your parents having sex if you’re about to cheat on your spouse. This phone comes in grey and black and will be a mandatory accessory in America from June.
Showing posts with label Sony. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sony. Show all posts
Friday, 1 February 2008
Thursday, 13 September 2007
Music Review Review
David Trebuchet, the highly regarded music reviewer from the San Francisco Corinthian newspaper, has done it again! He recently turned his erudite pen and scathing wit upon the latest teen-marketed pop sensation, and the results are nothing short of genius.
The first sentence in his review of Dippy Twilight's forthcoming album, Loving to Love the Love, gives us a foreglimpse of the wonders to come. "Let's face it," he says, "Nobody thinking of buying this album is going to be reading this review, so why don't we have some fun?" This reviewer couldn't agree more.
Trebuchet then launches into a damning attack of the popular music scene in general. He is most famous for his cynicism in the face of manufactured pop artists, so the fact that Dippy Twilight is actually two people who were fused together by the Sony Music Group definitely angers him. "When there are so many great musicians and bands on the scene (Casket of Geese, The Spasms, Adam Youell and the Bedford Vans, for example), why would Sony need to find two vaguely attractive young women and stitch them together in order to create anodyne music?"
The reviewer is just as scathing when it comes to the songs on the album, with his dismissal of the title track being particularly amusing: "'Loving to Love the Love' sounds like a cross between a children's party being attacked by a race of helium balloons and a baboon farting in my ear. The lyrics sound like they were written by a blind epileptic in charge of a box of magnetic fridge poetry. The music is as vapid and tasteless as a Fox News diatribe."
The only flat point in Trebuchet's review is his unfair comparison between the music of Dippy Twilight and the music of Peter and the Test-Tube Babies. It's well-known at the moment that Trebuchet has co-written a Broadway musical on the career of the punk band, so his constant mentioning of the band in his reviews is an unwelcome intrusion. Otherwise, the review of 'Loving to Love the Love' is another wonderful addition to Trebuchet's ouvre.
In conclusion, I will again quote Trebuchet, this time in his discussion of Dippy Twilight's forthcoming single, 'Amy Used to eat Newspaper': "If anyone ever asks me to listen to this shit again, I'll strangle them with a barbed-wire fence."
The first sentence in his review of Dippy Twilight's forthcoming album, Loving to Love the Love, gives us a foreglimpse of the wonders to come. "Let's face it," he says, "Nobody thinking of buying this album is going to be reading this review, so why don't we have some fun?" This reviewer couldn't agree more.
Trebuchet then launches into a damning attack of the popular music scene in general. He is most famous for his cynicism in the face of manufactured pop artists, so the fact that Dippy Twilight is actually two people who were fused together by the Sony Music Group definitely angers him. "When there are so many great musicians and bands on the scene (Casket of Geese, The Spasms, Adam Youell and the Bedford Vans, for example), why would Sony need to find two vaguely attractive young women and stitch them together in order to create anodyne music?"
The reviewer is just as scathing when it comes to the songs on the album, with his dismissal of the title track being particularly amusing: "'Loving to Love the Love' sounds like a cross between a children's party being attacked by a race of helium balloons and a baboon farting in my ear. The lyrics sound like they were written by a blind epileptic in charge of a box of magnetic fridge poetry. The music is as vapid and tasteless as a Fox News diatribe."
The only flat point in Trebuchet's review is his unfair comparison between the music of Dippy Twilight and the music of Peter and the Test-Tube Babies. It's well-known at the moment that Trebuchet has co-written a Broadway musical on the career of the punk band, so his constant mentioning of the band in his reviews is an unwelcome intrusion. Otherwise, the review of 'Loving to Love the Love' is another wonderful addition to Trebuchet's ouvre.
In conclusion, I will again quote Trebuchet, this time in his discussion of Dippy Twilight's forthcoming single, 'Amy Used to eat Newspaper': "If anyone ever asks me to listen to this shit again, I'll strangle them with a barbed-wire fence."
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