Summer Kittens: Part 2

I'm in way over my head here.

I'm supposed to be reading a page of The Little Kittens and the Gumdrop Garden by Norris Squee every day. For those of you who a) didn't read the last post and b) are too lazy to scroll down, I'm doing this in order to finish the book by the end of summer and get the same feeling that the people reading the 1000+ pages of Infinite Jest over the summer must feel.

But it's hard going.

The first page almost finished me off. I lost count of the number of times I had to read it in order to understand it fully. From what I can gather (and the depth of meaning here has left me with the impression that I'm missing some layers of interpretation), there were some kittens. And these kittens were little.

I will confess. This blew my mind. I was thinking that maybe I would be able to read more than one page on the first day, and possibly get ahead of myself, giving me some leeway. But now I see that this was optimistic bravado. I couldn't get my head to understand this first page, and I had to lie down. This could also have been partly due to the pictures in the book; many of them have so many colours that looking at them for any length of time is like pressing my eyes into an LSD-laced box of rainbows.

God, we haven't even entered the gumdrop garden, and I'm already thinking I've bitten off more than I can chew. I need a rest.

Summer Kittens: Part 1

I just discovered the website Infinite Summer. It's basically a project in which people try to read David Foster Wallace's epic novel, Infinite Jest, in one summer. At more than a thousand pages long, the book is apparently the ninth longest in the English language. It also has copious endnotes, and contains massively long sentences and words you've never heard of and have to look up if you're going to understand. Because of this, the 75 pages per week needed to get through the book over three months is pretty heavy going, even for those crazy people who can read entire novels in a weekend.

I would quite like to read Infinite Jest, but I've come in too late to really attempt to it before the end of summer. However, I do like the idea of blogging my findings as I go through a book, so I've decided to try another work instead.

Before the summer is out, I, the Imaginary Reviewer, hereby proclaim that I will have read The Little Kittens and the Gumdrop Garden by Norris Squee, before the end of summer. That's sixteen pages, all of which I have to have read before September 22, a rate of one page per day.

It's a big task, but I'm pretty sure I'm up to it. I'll post regular updates here if I can manage to fit that in between reading. Wish me luck!

Summer Wine Reviews!

Once again, the hot weather is approaching, and for most of us that means watching cricket from a silly mid-off position and clapping politely when a bowler scores a maiden over or takes several wickets in quick succession. And what better way to accompany the world’s silliest sport than a box or two of high quality wine? I had a look at some of the newest plonks hitting the supermarket shelves.

Chateau LeTrec 2006 Sauvignon Blanc is a delightful wine that really stands out from the crowd with its wonderful label. My eye was really drawn to the picture of an ostrich wearing a monocle and bowler hat, eyeing up a glass of the wine with a speech balloon saying “magnifique!” No doubt about it, this wine is excellent; the colours are superb, with really lifelike ostrich colours on the bird itself and a very jolly crimson background.
Tasting notes: White.

Cavernous Cavern Zinfandel comes from California and was, I found, a little indistinct. The picture on the label merely shows a panoramic scene of some mountains. Even worse, it’s in black and white, which is totally unforgivable in today’s excellent wine-label-producing climate. I hope for more from future vintages, maybe someone on a pogo stick jumping a chasm, or even a cute bird.
Tasting notes: 13%

Chateau Pays-Medoc 1984 came highly recommended from a well-respected wine magazine, so I decided to try some. I wish I hadn’t. At more than a hundred pounds for a bottle (you could buy a case of Gallo for that!), I expected a lot more. The label, though much bigger than most modern ones, contains mostly writing, with a tiny, poorly-drawn picture of a castle at the top. Is that where the wine was made?, I wondered. If so, they should throw all bottles of it from the highest tower at once. Truly dreadful.
Tasting notes: Winey.

Cute Little Kitten with a Broken Leg Chardonnay is the best wine I’ve ever had, and will be the only wine I will ever buy from now on. The label features – get this! – a little tabby kitten! But look! One of his liddle legs is in a plaster cast! Aw! He looks so sad and cute! I want more and more of this wine because I never want to stop looking at the label! Look at the kitten! Aw!
Tasting notes: Wet.