Thursday 29 May 2008

Summer Wine Reviews!

Once again, the hot weather is approaching, and for most of us that means watching cricket from a silly mid-off position and clapping politely when a bowler scores a maiden over or takes several wickets in quick succession. And what better way to accompany the world’s silliest sport than a box or two of high quality wine? I had a look at some of the newest plonks hitting the supermarket shelves.

Chateau LeTrec 2006 Sauvignon Blanc is a delightful wine that really stands out from the crowd with its wonderful label. My eye was really drawn to the picture of an ostrich wearing a monocle and bowler hat, eyeing up a glass of the wine with a speech balloon saying “magnifique!” No doubt about it, this wine is excellent; the colours are superb, with really lifelike ostrich colours on the bird itself and a very jolly crimson background.
Tasting notes: White.

Cavernous Cavern Zinfandel comes from California and was, I found, a little indistinct. The picture on the label merely shows a panoramic scene of some mountains. Even worse, it’s in black and white, which is totally unforgivable in today’s excellent wine-label-producing climate. I hope for more from future vintages, maybe someone on a pogo stick jumping a chasm, or even a cute bird.
Tasting notes: 13%

Chateau Pays-Medoc 1984 came highly recommended from a well-respected wine magazine, so I decided to try some. I wish I hadn’t. At more than a hundred pounds for a bottle (you could buy a case of Gallo for that!), I expected a lot more. The label, though much bigger than most modern ones, contains mostly writing, with a tiny, poorly-drawn picture of a castle at the top. Is that where the wine was made?, I wondered. If so, they should throw all bottles of it from the highest tower at once. Truly dreadful.
Tasting notes: Winey.

Cute Little Kitten with a Broken Leg Chardonnay is the best wine I’ve ever had, and will be the only wine I will ever buy from now on. The label features – get this! – a little tabby kitten! But look! One of his liddle legs is in a plaster cast! Aw! He looks so sad and cute! I want more and more of this wine because I never want to stop looking at the label! Look at the kitten! Aw!
Tasting notes: Wet.


Jillian said...

You are going to get me in trouble--laughing loudly in my cubicle! : )

I am a heavy wine drinker myself so I can tell you with some authority that the wine labels are very important when choosing a bottle. You must send me a bottle of that Cute Little Kitten with a Broken Leg Chardonnay--I am dying to try it. In exchange, I'll send you a local favorite, Sinful Zinfandel. The label features a reclining nude and is available in both genders. Tasty.

Falwless said...

You're going to get me in trouble, too. I don't know how or why, but you make me laugh like a retard.

But look! One of his liddle legs is in a plaster cast! Aw! He looks so sad and cute! I want more and more of this wine because I never want to stop looking at the label! Look at the kitten! Aw!

Too funny.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

Jillian: Thanks for your kind comments. Bringing laughter to cubicles is my number 1 aim!

Labels are THE most important thing in wine purchasing, just as a book with a crappy cover can never be good. I have noticed a lot of 'Cote' - 'Goat' puns on wine labels recently and I have to admit, I'm not sure where I stand on punnage. How about you?

Falwless: Thanks also! I have actually decided to keep every single bottle of the wine and cover my walls in them so that I can see the kitten every second of every day.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

Alyson: Many thanks for your comment, it was highly appreciated. Wine certainly is an inherently humorous topic, what with such hilarious words as 'shiraz', 'viticulture', 'legs' and 'holy crap I can't stand up'.

Red said...

You review wine the same way I buy wine...based solely how much I like the label. Nicely done, sir.