Pitchfork:
Pitchfork: The Restaurant
[Pitchfork Media; 2009]
Rating: 6.3
Buy a meal from Insound
Download a menu from eMusic
Online music magazine publisher Pitchfork Media has branched out into the world of fine dining, opening Pitchfork: the Restaurant. Located in Boston, Pitchfork Media’s home city, the restaurant marks a departure for the company, who had previously branched out into television channels as well as concert and festival promotion. This is their first time doing anything not directly related to music.
It’s a risky move to be sure, and on first glance it’s a silly one. The gastro-hipster scene is filled with similar restaurants, from Fried Bear - the eatery seen as starting the movement – to the newly opened Shut Your Mouth and Eat Restaurant, which is, as everyone knows, the side project of Bruno Mincemeat. Next month the long-awaited electro-gastro café, [lightning bolt], will open, and many gastro-hipsters seem to be rallying against what they see as the selling out of their favourite culinary haunts. Now would not seem to be a good time to be opening a new eating place.
As expected, the restaurant wears its influences firmly on its sleeve, and yes, these influences aren’t surprising, much to its detriment. Take Pitchfork’s Chutney Sandwich, for example: the lettuce arrangement seems to have been taken wholesale from DeKlassay’s Tangerine Salad. And while the casual eater will marvel at Pitchfork’s Ham en Croute, seasoned scenesters will recognise elements of meals from little-known restaurants like Dipthong Tragedy, Exclamation Point! Misuse, and Café of Montreal.
But at the same time the chefs at Pitchfork know what they’re good at, and when they stick to this formula, they do it well. There’s the occasional foray into avant garde food, echoing the 60s food dub experiments of Colonel Insane’s Ohm Beat Restaurant, but this is thankfully brief. The ponderous, meandering Beetroot-infused Scallops is one such victim of the urge to think too much about a meal, and suffers accordingly.
A quick trawl through the dessert menu shows some definite gems. Blancmange is a wonderful example of good food done well, while Chocolate Sorbet echoes Dizzy Holness at his most fragile. Even Lemon Cheesecake holds a certain poignancy not seen since Gustark Malfinch opened his much-missed limited edition café in 2001.
But in a world of great eateries, the question remains: If Pitchfork: The Restaurant didn’t exist, would it be necessary to invent it? The answer, sadly, is no. Two years ago, this would have been a hugely successful hit restaurant, but blame the food criticism media for building the gastro-hipster scene up too much, because the genre is saturated. Not even an excellent cheesecake can save Pitchfork Media from this fact.
Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/pitchforkrestaurant
- Imaginary Reviewer, February 10, 2009
Showing posts with label restaurant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label restaurant. Show all posts
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
Wednesday, 19 November 2008
Restaurant Review: Appetite for Mozzarella
Axl Rose has many reasons to be happy right now. Next week, the long-awaited Guns N Roses album, Chinese Democracy, will be released after 14 years of writing, recording, false starts and band member changes. Even more surprisingly, Rose has just recently opened a new pizza restaurant in downtown Los Angeles called ‘Appetite for Mozzarella’, and it’s garnering a lot of attention from gourmands and rock fans alike. I decided to take a look.
The décor of AfM is how one would expect a restaurant owned by the frontman of Guns N Roses to look. Guitars and photos of the past adorn the walls of the eatery, though his public spats with other members of G’n’R mean that only pictures of Axl himself are to be found. There are framed gold and platinum discs around the place, and in one corner there is a display of some of Rose’s famous kilts. As one might expect, the music being played is a constant stream of Guns N Roses’ most popular songs, including that one from Terminator 2.
Looking at the menu, there’s a great selection of delicious-looking pizza meals, and I opted for the ‘Sweet Chili of Mine’, a pepper-based pizza with caramelised onions and olives. My partner went for the ‘Meat-Train’, a carnivore’s dream with more different sausages than you can shake a Slash guitar solo at. Really, we were spoiled for choice; from the fromage-tastic ‘It’s so Cheesy’ (with seven different kinds of cheese) to the vegetarian ‘Welcome to the Fungal’, a mostly mushroom-based pizza, there was so much on offer here. I was quite tempted by the ‘Paradise VoraCity’, a pizza that certainly lives up to its name by being 36 inches in diameter and earning a leather jacket for anyone who can eat an entire one alone.
With all these mouthwatering choices, then, it’s a shame that the service in Appetite for Mozzarella is so poor. It was over an hour after we ordered that we saw our waiter again, and when asked what had happened to our food he apologised but said that Axl had fired all his kitchen staff shortly after we ordered. He assured us that our meal would be ready once the new recruits had got up to speed with the kitchen layout and the menu.
I took this time to read a leaflet about the restaurant. Apparently it’s possible to rent out Appetite for Mozzarella for a special ‘November Rain’ wedding reception, complete with unexpected downpours, someone diving headfirst through the cake and a general feeling of foreboding until the third act when the bride dies and the groom wakes up, sobbing, as the whole thing has been a dream.
After another hour had passed our pizzas were brought out to our table, but before the waiter could set them before us, the chef ran out and told him to bring them back because he wasn’t happy with them.
It was at this point when I realised that nobody else in the restaurant was eating.
And this, then, is my main gripe with Appetite for Mozzarella. The food looks and smells wonderful. The smells coming out of the kitchen were to die for. We couldn’t wait for our food. But we had to wait. And wait. And wait. And despite being offered free Dr. Pepper for having to wait so long, it is simply unacceptable to have people wait for as long as we were before being served. When we discovered that our food wouldn’t be ready until April 2015, my partner and I decided to leave and find a more prompt meal elsewhere.
So I’m sorry that I can’t comment on the quality of the food in question, but with service this bad, I don’t recommend that anyone else try to find out for themselves.
No chefs’ hats out of a possible five.
Welcome to the fungal/we’ve got chanterelle/we’ve got every mushroom you want/even False Morel/and you’re a very hungry man/very hard to please/if you don’t like mushrooms well/we’ve got a pizza full of cheese/in the fungal/welcome to the fungal/gonna bring you your shi-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ke/shiitake/shiitake
The décor of AfM is how one would expect a restaurant owned by the frontman of Guns N Roses to look. Guitars and photos of the past adorn the walls of the eatery, though his public spats with other members of G’n’R mean that only pictures of Axl himself are to be found. There are framed gold and platinum discs around the place, and in one corner there is a display of some of Rose’s famous kilts. As one might expect, the music being played is a constant stream of Guns N Roses’ most popular songs, including that one from Terminator 2.
Looking at the menu, there’s a great selection of delicious-looking pizza meals, and I opted for the ‘Sweet Chili of Mine’, a pepper-based pizza with caramelised onions and olives. My partner went for the ‘Meat-Train’, a carnivore’s dream with more different sausages than you can shake a Slash guitar solo at. Really, we were spoiled for choice; from the fromage-tastic ‘It’s so Cheesy’ (with seven different kinds of cheese) to the vegetarian ‘Welcome to the Fungal’, a mostly mushroom-based pizza, there was so much on offer here. I was quite tempted by the ‘Paradise VoraCity’, a pizza that certainly lives up to its name by being 36 inches in diameter and earning a leather jacket for anyone who can eat an entire one alone.
With all these mouthwatering choices, then, it’s a shame that the service in Appetite for Mozzarella is so poor. It was over an hour after we ordered that we saw our waiter again, and when asked what had happened to our food he apologised but said that Axl had fired all his kitchen staff shortly after we ordered. He assured us that our meal would be ready once the new recruits had got up to speed with the kitchen layout and the menu.
I took this time to read a leaflet about the restaurant. Apparently it’s possible to rent out Appetite for Mozzarella for a special ‘November Rain’ wedding reception, complete with unexpected downpours, someone diving headfirst through the cake and a general feeling of foreboding until the third act when the bride dies and the groom wakes up, sobbing, as the whole thing has been a dream.
After another hour had passed our pizzas were brought out to our table, but before the waiter could set them before us, the chef ran out and told him to bring them back because he wasn’t happy with them.
It was at this point when I realised that nobody else in the restaurant was eating.
And this, then, is my main gripe with Appetite for Mozzarella. The food looks and smells wonderful. The smells coming out of the kitchen were to die for. We couldn’t wait for our food. But we had to wait. And wait. And wait. And despite being offered free Dr. Pepper for having to wait so long, it is simply unacceptable to have people wait for as long as we were before being served. When we discovered that our food wouldn’t be ready until April 2015, my partner and I decided to leave and find a more prompt meal elsewhere.
So I’m sorry that I can’t comment on the quality of the food in question, but with service this bad, I don’t recommend that anyone else try to find out for themselves.
No chefs’ hats out of a possible five.
Welcome to the fungal/we’ve got chanterelle/we’ve got every mushroom you want/even False Morel/and you’re a very hungry man/very hard to please/if you don’t like mushrooms well/we’ve got a pizza full of cheese/in the fungal/welcome to the fungal/gonna bring you your shi-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ke/shiitake/shiitake
Sunday, 6 April 2008
Special Report: The Most Romantic Spots in New York
New York City is widely regarded as one of the most romantic places in the world, surpassing Paris, Rome and even Duncan, British Columbia (home of the world’s largest hockey stick and puck). It’s full of beautiful locations to propose, get married, or just stare longingly at loving couples as they flaunt their happiness like peacocks strutting around, not caring one jot for your own miserable, soulless, love-free life. They’ll pay. They’ll all pay.
By way of Congratulations to reportedly recent newlyweds Beyonce and Jay-Z, we got our Imaginary New York Correspondent to file this report on the mushiest, most lovey-dovey places in all of the big apple. Take it away, Imaginary Noo Yoik Correspondent! (He hates it when I call him that)
One of the most popular places for young lovers to go these days is the Dogs D’Amour Internet Café, above the Korean Barbecue on 110th Street. Here, happy couples meet and spend hours chatting on MSN and ICQ, flirting and cooing at each other using the high-resolution webcams and leaving messages on each other’s Facebook walls. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and nothing makes the modern New York couple happier than simulated long-distance relationships. The best part is, once you’ve finished, you actually get to leave with your beau, and possibly even make sweet love to them, if you’re into that sort of thing.
Next to the Paul Smith Store on 54th Street sits the Lovery Love Love Hotel, the centre of the new craze that’s taking America by storm. Due to housing constraints and familial norms in Japan, love hotels have been popular for decades, allowing couples to rent a room by the hour and enjoy all sorts of romantic amenities such as revolving beds and vending machines full of sex toys. Now love hotels are becoming very popular in New York City, and Lovery Love is where it all began. What says “I love you” more than an hour in an anonymous room with non-stop Asian pornography on the television and a bucket full of dildos by the bed? Lovery Love even has many themed rooms, tailored to the western market, including a Happy Days room, a Laverne and Shirley room and a Mork and Mindy room, complete with replica Orson.
Romantic restaurants are ten-a-penny in New York City, but few will get you more in the mood than Jezebel’s. Located in the west side of the north end, Jezebel’s is the only eatery in the city in which couples are tied together upon entry and refused cutlery. A typical three course dinner involves teamwork, mutual feeding and a complete jettison of table manners. By the end of this experience, even the most frigid lovers will become hornier than a rhino sandwich! Unlike many restaurants in New York, there is no extra charge if you are gay, nor if you are over seven feet tall.
On the other hand, make sure you avoid taking your loved one to see Jay Leno on a date. He will steal your girlfriend. Or, if you are someone’s girlfriend, he will steal you. Bastard.
By way of Congratulations to reportedly recent newlyweds Beyonce and Jay-Z, we got our Imaginary New York Correspondent to file this report on the mushiest, most lovey-dovey places in all of the big apple. Take it away, Imaginary Noo Yoik Correspondent! (He hates it when I call him that)
One of the most popular places for young lovers to go these days is the Dogs D’Amour Internet Café, above the Korean Barbecue on 110th Street. Here, happy couples meet and spend hours chatting on MSN and ICQ, flirting and cooing at each other using the high-resolution webcams and leaving messages on each other’s Facebook walls. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and nothing makes the modern New York couple happier than simulated long-distance relationships. The best part is, once you’ve finished, you actually get to leave with your beau, and possibly even make sweet love to them, if you’re into that sort of thing.
Next to the Paul Smith Store on 54th Street sits the Lovery Love Love Hotel, the centre of the new craze that’s taking America by storm. Due to housing constraints and familial norms in Japan, love hotels have been popular for decades, allowing couples to rent a room by the hour and enjoy all sorts of romantic amenities such as revolving beds and vending machines full of sex toys. Now love hotels are becoming very popular in New York City, and Lovery Love is where it all began. What says “I love you” more than an hour in an anonymous room with non-stop Asian pornography on the television and a bucket full of dildos by the bed? Lovery Love even has many themed rooms, tailored to the western market, including a Happy Days room, a Laverne and Shirley room and a Mork and Mindy room, complete with replica Orson.
Romantic restaurants are ten-a-penny in New York City, but few will get you more in the mood than Jezebel’s. Located in the west side of the north end, Jezebel’s is the only eatery in the city in which couples are tied together upon entry and refused cutlery. A typical three course dinner involves teamwork, mutual feeding and a complete jettison of table manners. By the end of this experience, even the most frigid lovers will become hornier than a rhino sandwich! Unlike many restaurants in New York, there is no extra charge if you are gay, nor if you are over seven feet tall.
On the other hand, make sure you avoid taking your loved one to see Jay Leno on a date. He will steal your girlfriend. Or, if you are someone’s girlfriend, he will steal you. Bastard.
Friday, 25 January 2008
The Imaginary Restaurant Reviewer goes to Town
In all my many years as a restaurant reviewer I’ve witnessed the birth of many new fads and fashions in the dining world. The pre-meal bar, allowing patrons to have a drink while their table is prepared, for example. Themed restaurants, like Planet Hollywood (films), Hard Rock Café (music) and Aorta (open-heart surgery). The introduction of vegetables in 1949. The list goes on.
It seems that the most pervasive new trend in the eatery world is that of the ‘fast food’ restaurant. One cannot stray from one’s home into the boondocks or the cityscapes without falling over outside a fast food restaurant and having to call one’s significant other to help one up before one is mugged by an oik. Never one to turn up my nose at a meal away from my own dining room with its ghastly paint scheme and incessant dance music coming through the walls from next door, I decided to venture to a nearby vendor of this ‘fast food’.
The establishment where I found myself certainly did itself no favours in the ‘first impressions’ department. The décor was bland to the point of invisibility and the tables and chairs looked like they had been formed out of cheap plastic that was too rickety to be used in a primary school.
The service was terrible too. I sat and waited for an hour before any member of staff attended to me, and even then it was to sweep the crumbs from under my table rather than to give me a menu. In the end I gave up and went to see the Maitre D’ to try and get a menu from them. It was here, talking to the rather young worker, that I realized that I was supposed to get up and order my meal there. Another low score, then, for service.
I ordered something called a ‘burger’, which, I was rather scornfully informed, was a sandwich containing ground beef. This was accompanied by very thin chips and a large milky drink (sadly, there was no wine menu). So, after the disappointment of the décor, atmosphere and the service, was I to be let down in the food department too?
Far from it. The meal, though inexpensive, was absolutely delicious! The meat inside the burger was superb, as if every part of the cow had been used in its production. A cacophony of different flavours rippled in my mouth, with the hearty slab of meat, the zesty tang of pickled gherkins, the crunchy onion explosion and the wondrous inclusion of a completely delicious sauce. I was so taken with this sauce that I asked one of the kitchen staff what was in it, but apparently the sauce is ‘secret’. I can only imagine what wonders go into making it!
The chips were among the best I’ve had, from Gordon Ramsay’s Food restaurant to the Oubliette in Paris. What they lacked in size they more than made up for in taste, with a cunning mixture of crispness and sogginess. I scarfed them down with gusto.
So all in all, the food more than made up for the terrible service and vomit-inducing interior design. And all for less than the lowest denomination of English banknote! A bargain!
I shall certainly be returning to this establishment, as I can’t wait to try all their different meals. In fact, I have cancelled my reservation at the Fat Duck so I can go back as soon as possible. Next on my list is the rather exotic-sounding ‘Chicken Nuggets’. I can’t wait!
It seems that the most pervasive new trend in the eatery world is that of the ‘fast food’ restaurant. One cannot stray from one’s home into the boondocks or the cityscapes without falling over outside a fast food restaurant and having to call one’s significant other to help one up before one is mugged by an oik. Never one to turn up my nose at a meal away from my own dining room with its ghastly paint scheme and incessant dance music coming through the walls from next door, I decided to venture to a nearby vendor of this ‘fast food’.
The establishment where I found myself certainly did itself no favours in the ‘first impressions’ department. The décor was bland to the point of invisibility and the tables and chairs looked like they had been formed out of cheap plastic that was too rickety to be used in a primary school.
The service was terrible too. I sat and waited for an hour before any member of staff attended to me, and even then it was to sweep the crumbs from under my table rather than to give me a menu. In the end I gave up and went to see the Maitre D’ to try and get a menu from them. It was here, talking to the rather young worker, that I realized that I was supposed to get up and order my meal there. Another low score, then, for service.
I ordered something called a ‘burger’, which, I was rather scornfully informed, was a sandwich containing ground beef. This was accompanied by very thin chips and a large milky drink (sadly, there was no wine menu). So, after the disappointment of the décor, atmosphere and the service, was I to be let down in the food department too?
Far from it. The meal, though inexpensive, was absolutely delicious! The meat inside the burger was superb, as if every part of the cow had been used in its production. A cacophony of different flavours rippled in my mouth, with the hearty slab of meat, the zesty tang of pickled gherkins, the crunchy onion explosion and the wondrous inclusion of a completely delicious sauce. I was so taken with this sauce that I asked one of the kitchen staff what was in it, but apparently the sauce is ‘secret’. I can only imagine what wonders go into making it!
The chips were among the best I’ve had, from Gordon Ramsay’s Food restaurant to the Oubliette in Paris. What they lacked in size they more than made up for in taste, with a cunning mixture of crispness and sogginess. I scarfed them down with gusto.
So all in all, the food more than made up for the terrible service and vomit-inducing interior design. And all for less than the lowest denomination of English banknote! A bargain!
I shall certainly be returning to this establishment, as I can’t wait to try all their different meals. In fact, I have cancelled my reservation at the Fat Duck so I can go back as soon as possible. Next on my list is the rather exotic-sounding ‘Chicken Nuggets’. I can’t wait!
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