The Imaginary Peer Review

Dance Activity and Perceived Risk Taking by Dr William Routledge
The National Journal of Musical Psychiatry, Vol. 22, pp 205-241

A year ago, Doctor William Routledge wrote his groundbreaking study on the increase in disinterest permeating through the hip-hop industry. Entitled Rapathy, the paper (reviewed in these pages last February) told of the worrying tendency of rap fans to wave their hands in the air out of boredom, as if they just did not care. Now, the eminent musical psychologist has published his latest work after twelve months of intense study.

Doctor Routledge investigated various people in nightclubs and social events where music was playing. He was interested in the behaviour of the attendees at these functions, and he made various observations, noting them down in what he describes in the methodology section of the paper as “a jotter with a picture of Hannah Montana on the cover”.

Routledge noticed a strange trend in the behaviour of the subjects. Immediately prior to, and during, the act of dancing, most of the people displayed classic signs of nervousness and fear. They appeared to be enjoying the dancing, but levels of perspiration and body language seemed to indicate that the people were fearful of something. As Routledge notes:

“The subjects, whether at a disco or a party, all seemed to want to dance. They
seemed to be enjoying the dancing. But yet, at the same time, it was as if some
kind of risk was involved. They felt like they were taking a chance.”

This chance-taking has been noted before by many researchers, but not with such a detailed level of study. Ciccone & Timberlake (2008) found that people would “Take a chance tonight” before they “groove [themselves] to the world.” A 1984 study by Estefan and Sound Machine says that to dance is to “take a chance today”; this appears to be just as relevant a sentiment in 2009 as it was then.

Routledge notes these prior studies in his introduction, and also mentions other research which shows that this phenomenon is not limited to any specific genre of music. Kee (2004) proves its existence in gospel (“By faith take this chance/as an act of faith get on up and dance”), and Cheetah Girls et al (2006) have found it to be present in tango (“Take a chance/feel the tango/when you dance”).

But why should people be feeling like they are taking a chance when they dance? What possible reason could there be for this perception of risk?

One reason, Routledge believes, could be insecurity in one’s dancing skills. But while this is understandable for many amateur groovers, even when a dancer gains experience and confidence in their abilities they seem to be feeling like they are taking a chance with the boogie.

Routledge considers the addition of an evolutionary explanation. He believes that dancing is one way to try and attract a mate. As the author puts it himself:

“Many people feel that by having a dance they could find some romance. For
example, if, when they dance, they make an obvious glance they may enhance their
chance of a romantic advance. As long as they don’t prance. In France.”

But by putting themselves out in the open, they may also be increasing the opportunities for competing suitors to confront them, leading to what Jackson (1997) described in his paper, Blood on the Dance Floor. By heightening their own awareness of risk, this evolutionary adaptation on the part of the dancers means that if they sense danger, they are more ready to take flight to the bar or bathrooms, for example.

Routledge’s conclusions are both intuitive and elegant, and show that he is once again the master of the field of musical psychiatry. His prose, diagrams and font choice are all of the highest order, and this reviewer is once again humbled by an excellent paper. I for one can’t wait until he completes his next essay, On the Veracity of Atmospheric/Ocular Comparison, or Why Don’t Your Eyes look anything Like the Skies?

This Month's Eagerly Awaited Magazines

Take a look on the shelves of a reputable magazine emporium and you’re sure to find something worth reading. Whether you’re into home improvement, singing cowboys, casual racism or spirit photography, there’s something for you. And what could be more pleasant than reading the contents of a magazine, whether on a park bench, in the bath or over the shoulder of the woman in front of you on the Ottawa-Toronto Greyhound bus who deliberately turns the pages over before you’re finished with them?

I happen to be somewhat of an expert in the world of magazines, having received rejection letters from many of them. Here I’ve managed to get my hands on some of the most hotly anticipated issues from the biggest publications in the world. Enjoy my reviews, ye feeble, and rejoice!

This month, Cosmopolitan magazine has a special Dubai Economy issue. I was particularly engrossed by the article on how the country’s switch from a trade-based to a tourism- and service-based economy can help you please your man in the bedroom. It seems that a combination of sexy lingerie and the Palm Jumeirah artificial island are all it takes to drive a man wild.

Being burdened with a y-chromosome, I’m not usually one for reading Cosmo, but I found this issue difficult to put down. The interview with Sandra Oh, in which she talks at length on the proliferation of industry-specific free economic zones in Dubai, is fantastic. Of course, there are articles that would be far more interesting to Cosmo’s regular readers, like the one in which the relationship between Dubai’s free trade in gold and its interest rates are discussed with regard to how fashionable Ugg Boots and black cocktail dresses are.

Also this month, Forbes magazine will have an issue dedicated to Llamas. I will confess, I didn’t enjoy this publication nearly as much as I was expecting. The article by G. Donald Jameson on the effect of South American camelids on international currency markets, for example, contained many errors and omissions. Has Jameson forgotten the Peruvian Alpaca Recession of 1973? From its non-featuring here, one would have to assume so.

Of course, Forbes magazine succeeds most in its lists, and the high point of this otherwise poor publication is the Top 100 Llama Rich List, which does turn up a few surprises. Jonty, Bill Gates’ pet guanaco, has been replaced at the number 1 spot by the four llamas owned by the Sultan of Brunei, Tinky Winky, Laa-Laa, Dipsy and Clive.

National Geographic is pushing the publishing boundaries this month with a special Sex Issue. Whether this attention-grabbing ploy will increase their sales remains to be seen, but on the whole the issue is as interesting as past ones, and rarely descends into gratuity.

The magazine’s writers sent a sex survey to over a thousand different species of insect, and the results are little short of astounding! Who would have thought the beetles do it more often than the fruit flies? Not I. And don’t get me started on the grasshoppers; those guys are naaasty.

With articles on what the ancient Incans can teach us about romance, advice on invertebrate threesomes and some pretty raunchy (but beautiful) photos of monkey coitus, be sure to put National Geographic’s sex issue at the top of your purchasing list, if you have one. If you don’t have one, how do you decide what to buy? Weirdo.

The Imaginary Reviewer accepts no responsibility for paper cuts received as a result of purchases made on his recommendation. For subscription enquiries, bang head against brick wall while robotic voice spouts an infinitude of totally irrelevant options over the phone.

Special Report: The Most Romantic Spots in New York

New York City is widely regarded as one of the most romantic places in the world, surpassing Paris, Rome and even Duncan, British Columbia (home of the world’s largest hockey stick and puck). It’s full of beautiful locations to propose, get married, or just stare longingly at loving couples as they flaunt their happiness like peacocks strutting around, not caring one jot for your own miserable, soulless, love-free life. They’ll pay. They’ll all pay.

By way of Congratulations to reportedly recent newlyweds Beyonce and Jay-Z, we got our Imaginary New York Correspondent to file this report on the mushiest, most lovey-dovey places in all of the big apple. Take it away, Imaginary Noo Yoik Correspondent! (He hates it when I call him that)

One of the most popular places for young lovers to go these days is the Dogs D’Amour Internet Café, above the Korean Barbecue on 110th Street. Here, happy couples meet and spend hours chatting on MSN and ICQ, flirting and cooing at each other using the high-resolution webcams and leaving messages on each other’s Facebook walls. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and nothing makes the modern New York couple happier than simulated long-distance relationships. The best part is, once you’ve finished, you actually get to leave with your beau, and possibly even make sweet love to them, if you’re into that sort of thing.

Next to the Paul Smith Store on 54th Street sits the Lovery Love Love Hotel, the centre of the new craze that’s taking America by storm. Due to housing constraints and familial norms in Japan, love hotels have been popular for decades, allowing couples to rent a room by the hour and enjoy all sorts of romantic amenities such as revolving beds and vending machines full of sex toys. Now love hotels are becoming very popular in New York City, and Lovery Love is where it all began. What says “I love you” more than an hour in an anonymous room with non-stop Asian pornography on the television and a bucket full of dildos by the bed? Lovery Love even has many themed rooms, tailored to the western market, including a Happy Days room, a Laverne and Shirley room and a Mork and Mindy room, complete with replica Orson.

Romantic restaurants are ten-a-penny in New York City, but few will get you more in the mood than Jezebel’s. Located in the west side of the north end, Jezebel’s is the only eatery in the city in which couples are tied together upon entry and refused cutlery. A typical three course dinner involves teamwork, mutual feeding and a complete jettison of table manners. By the end of this experience, even the most frigid lovers will become hornier than a rhino sandwich! Unlike many restaurants in New York, there is no extra charge if you are gay, nor if you are over seven feet tall.

On the other hand, make sure you avoid taking your loved one to see Jay Leno on a date. He will steal your girlfriend. Or, if you are someone’s girlfriend, he will steal you. Bastard.

Special Valentine's Day Review: Lovers

As it's Valentine's Day, I thought today I'd review some of the lovers I've enjoyed in recent weeks.

First off, there's Suzanne, who scored very highly indeed. She was a little more expensive than other lovers, but first impressions were good: a full body, rich, and most pleasing on the eye. I detected fragrances of jasmine and summer fruits, with a hint of leather and birchwood. Suzanne has a unique velvetty texture which feels especially good at the back of the tongue; this is complimented by a gently brittle aftertaste which is both alluring and fragile. If I had one complaint with this lover, it's the unnecessarily high alcohol content. But this splitting hairs; she certainly goes down well, and her tannins are delightful.

Gabrielle on the other hand, was a disaster. She started promisingly enough, with a slow, downtempo effort that was both sensual and sexy. It was mostly downhill from then on, unfortunately, with much of what passed afterwards being filler. The heavy, fast-paced rhythms of our later meetings simply did nothing for me, and the spoken word sections were, quite frankly, embarrassing. It's a shame, because I've heard many good things about Gabrielle's live shows. Perhaps that's where she excels.

Finally, I wasn't expecting much from Benjamin, but I'm happy to say that I was pleasantly surprised. Despite my being relatively new to this particular style of lover, Benjamin was a joy from start to end. I just could not put him down. His opening lines had me hooked, and his prose was truly delightful; indeed, I was literally struck dumb by one of his passages in particular. I understand why people may think that he is a little overlong, but when a lover is as satisfying as this, I don't have a problem with length. If anything, I would have enjoyed even more! Benjamin was gripping throughout, and had a wonderfully explosive climax. Fantastic.

Happy Valentine's Day!