Scandinavian poppets Aqua were last heard several years ago, when they topped the charts with a series of catchy bubblegum pop songs. Most famous was ‘Barbie Girl’, their tribute to the eponymous doll and her boyfriend, Ken. After several chart topping hits, including ‘Turn Back Time’ (used in the soundtrack to the film Sliding Doors) the band disappeared from the radar, and the music press assumed that Aqua had gone the way of all those other disposable pop artists.
The truth was far different. The group have spent the last seven years working on their new album, Pseudepigraphical Laodicean Epistle. Citing a new range of influences, from Estonian composer Arvo Pärt to writer Robert Anton Wilson, they have created a vast, sprawling musical landscape in which the casual listener will probably lose themselves.
The main reason for the delay in releasing this album is the first track, ‘Dogs are Rarer as God’. Six years in the making from initial idea to finished work, the track is a five-minute musical palindrome. If you play the song backwards, it sounds exactly the same as when it is played normally. Bald songwriter René Dif managed to make this effect with painstaking sound recording techniques, sampling noises that sound the same when played both ways. The lyrics to the song – dealing with the subject of astronauts’ bodies turning to jelly after their return from the weightlessness of space – sound identical in each direction. Dif has said that his ultimate goal is to write a song that also sounds the same when turned inside out.
While ‘Dogs are Rarer as God’ is the standout track on the album, other songs give the recording a multi-layered structure that has rarely been seen outside the literary works of Umberto Eco. The title track of the album somehow manages to cover subjects as varied as apocryphal books of the Bible, Mayan fertility rituals, the paintings of Bridget Riley and TV show Deadwood, all in under four minutes. That it manages to touch on all of these subjects, form a cohesive whole and engage the listener (without overwhelming them), certainly says a lot for Dif’s skill as a songwriter.
And there are playful touches, too, which take this album in further Russian Doll territory. ‘La Dernier Chiffre Part 1’ is an homage to the Marquis de Sade sung in a mixture of Latin and English. Part 2 of the same song features Lene Nystrøm singing words that are formed by every other letter from the lyrics in Part 1. Under these conditions, the words form an entirely new subject, that of the Mexican feminist movement in the 1980s.
All this is, let’s not forget, from the same band who sang ‘We Are the Cartoon Heroes’.
The rest of the album is as detailed as a Heath Robinson illustration and as playful as a baby tiger. The only sour note on the entire recording is forthcoming single ‘I’m a Tiny Bee (Look at Me)’, which features on the soundtrack to the summer’s new Disney/Pixar movie, Insects in Space. But let’s not dwell on this, when the rest of the album is so very enjoyable, rich and totally unlike anything that any other toy-fixated Eurodance pop group has created.
Eight stars out of a possible nine.
Thursday, 24 January 2008
Wednesday, 23 January 2008
New Weaponry Review – Nokia 22-20 Gunphone
In a world in which mobile telephones come with built-in mp3 players, cameras and clothes irons, and when just about everything – from motorised wheelchairs to defibrillators – comes with a built-in phone, it was only a matter of time before the combination gun/cell phone was developed.
Designed by Nokia working in tandem with British Aerospace and with funding from the Disney Corporation, the 22-20 Gunphone was unveiled at the Consumer Electronics Show earlier this month. It will go on sale in the U.S. in the summer, with anticipated releases in Sierra Leone, Dubai, Wales and the Congo at the end of the year. The Imaginary Review managed to sneak a prototype out of the exhibition using a combination of guile, cunning and a knee to the groin. We’ve been testing it ever since, from morning to night, just to give you the lowdown on 2008’s next essential piece of kit.
On first appearance the 22-20 looks a little larger than most current cell phones, and its bulky look may put off some prospective buyers. In addition, the barrel of the gun sticks out of the top of the gadget, and could be mistaken on first glance for the type of aerial that mobile phones used to have in the 1990s. The extra space required by the ammunition does allow the phone to have a screen that is 25% larger than its rivals, however.
The phone’s specs are fairly average; certainly they are among the weakest for a phone in this price range. However, it should be noted that no other phones in this price range can shoot the face off someone who is stealing your hub caps. The 22-20 is Internet-ready, and can browse the Internet with some ease. Indeed, the larger screen helps in this regard.
But the main talking point is the .22 calibre gun that is built into the casing, fired by a small button next to the mouthpiece. From my own experimentation, it has a range of around thirty feet and can penetrate the windscreen of an oncoming Subaru. Aiming the weapon is not an easy process, however, as I find the sights can lose their accuracy after being bashed around in my coat pocket.
My major gripe with the Gunphone is its failure to deter criminals. Show a potential mugger your .48 Magnum and they’ll run a mile. Threaten someone with your cellphone and they’ll laugh at you, forcing you to blow their brains out in irrational fury. It is possible to download threatening mp3 voices warning the criminal to back off, but until it becomes common knowledge that this phone is a gun, no perp will take you seriously while you wave your phone at them.
Also, there needs to be a slightly more effective locking mechanism on the weapon. I let a friend borrow the 22-20 to make an emergency call, and they accidentally shot their chin off, forcing me to make another emergency call on their behalf. I imagine that some people may also forget to lock the gun mechanism after using it, put the phone in their pocket and end up literally shooting themselves in the foot.
All grips aside, this is a great gizmo that comes highly recommended for anyone who has to make a lot of calls in dangerous areas and who doesn’t have enough room in their pockets for both a gun and a phone. Anyone buying the 22-20 just for the phone or the gun, however, will be disappointed, as there are much better examples of each out there, albeit separately.
The Nokia 22-20 Gunphone will be released June 2008 in the US. Phone will come with hands free kit, battery charger and 100 bullets. Not for sale to minors. Nokia will not be held responsible for any injuries caused by the vibrate function.
Designed by Nokia working in tandem with British Aerospace and with funding from the Disney Corporation, the 22-20 Gunphone was unveiled at the Consumer Electronics Show earlier this month. It will go on sale in the U.S. in the summer, with anticipated releases in Sierra Leone, Dubai, Wales and the Congo at the end of the year. The Imaginary Review managed to sneak a prototype out of the exhibition using a combination of guile, cunning and a knee to the groin. We’ve been testing it ever since, from morning to night, just to give you the lowdown on 2008’s next essential piece of kit.
On first appearance the 22-20 looks a little larger than most current cell phones, and its bulky look may put off some prospective buyers. In addition, the barrel of the gun sticks out of the top of the gadget, and could be mistaken on first glance for the type of aerial that mobile phones used to have in the 1990s. The extra space required by the ammunition does allow the phone to have a screen that is 25% larger than its rivals, however.
The phone’s specs are fairly average; certainly they are among the weakest for a phone in this price range. However, it should be noted that no other phones in this price range can shoot the face off someone who is stealing your hub caps. The 22-20 is Internet-ready, and can browse the Internet with some ease. Indeed, the larger screen helps in this regard.
But the main talking point is the .22 calibre gun that is built into the casing, fired by a small button next to the mouthpiece. From my own experimentation, it has a range of around thirty feet and can penetrate the windscreen of an oncoming Subaru. Aiming the weapon is not an easy process, however, as I find the sights can lose their accuracy after being bashed around in my coat pocket.
My major gripe with the Gunphone is its failure to deter criminals. Show a potential mugger your .48 Magnum and they’ll run a mile. Threaten someone with your cellphone and they’ll laugh at you, forcing you to blow their brains out in irrational fury. It is possible to download threatening mp3 voices warning the criminal to back off, but until it becomes common knowledge that this phone is a gun, no perp will take you seriously while you wave your phone at them.
Also, there needs to be a slightly more effective locking mechanism on the weapon. I let a friend borrow the 22-20 to make an emergency call, and they accidentally shot their chin off, forcing me to make another emergency call on their behalf. I imagine that some people may also forget to lock the gun mechanism after using it, put the phone in their pocket and end up literally shooting themselves in the foot.
All grips aside, this is a great gizmo that comes highly recommended for anyone who has to make a lot of calls in dangerous areas and who doesn’t have enough room in their pockets for both a gun and a phone. Anyone buying the 22-20 just for the phone or the gun, however, will be disappointed, as there are much better examples of each out there, albeit separately.
The Nokia 22-20 Gunphone will be released June 2008 in the US. Phone will come with hands free kit, battery charger and 100 bullets. Not for sale to minors. Nokia will not be held responsible for any injuries caused by the vibrate function.
Monday, 21 January 2008
Film Review: Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot AGAIN!
With the release of last year’s Rocky Balboa and the forthcoming Rambo sequel, movie moguls are rushing to cash in with Sly Stallone sequels. The next is Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot AGAIN!, reuniting Estelle Getty with Stallone, and bringing in Jamie Foxx as Stallone’s wise-cracking sidekick.
Directed by Brian DePalma, the story revolves around a prescription drug-ring secretly importing cut-price medication from Canada and undercutting pharmaceutical companies in the US. In order to bust the ring open, Detective Joe Bomowski needs someone to pose as a buyer from the ring, and who better to use than his own mother?
With a story like that, can anything ensue but hilarity? Well, yes it can. While some scenes raise a smile – the sight of Getty being accidentally tasered by her own son is particularly amusing – for the majority of its 108 minutes, this movie is neither funny nor exciting. Foxx’s character is just annoying; why he agreed to be in this movie when it should be passed down to someone like Chris Tucker is beyond me. Even Jimmy Smitts, here playing Gerardo, crime boss and the thorn in Stallone’s side, can’t save his character from stereotypical drudgery.
In short: Watch the trailer. See Estelle Getty hit by 3,000 volts of electricity and Jamie Foxx falling off a boat while dressed as an old lady. Smile. Smile some more, knowing you just enjoyed the only two moments in the film worth watching, and that you saved the cost of your cinema ticket.
One star, shaped like a clapperboard.
Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot AGAIN!, starring Sylvester Stallone, Estelle Getty, Jaime Foxx and Jimmy Smitts. Directed by Brian DePalma. Released March 29th. Rated PG for scenes of cross-dressing, mildly offensive language, moderately offensive acting and unchristian values.
Directed by Brian DePalma, the story revolves around a prescription drug-ring secretly importing cut-price medication from Canada and undercutting pharmaceutical companies in the US. In order to bust the ring open, Detective Joe Bomowski needs someone to pose as a buyer from the ring, and who better to use than his own mother?
With a story like that, can anything ensue but hilarity? Well, yes it can. While some scenes raise a smile – the sight of Getty being accidentally tasered by her own son is particularly amusing – for the majority of its 108 minutes, this movie is neither funny nor exciting. Foxx’s character is just annoying; why he agreed to be in this movie when it should be passed down to someone like Chris Tucker is beyond me. Even Jimmy Smitts, here playing Gerardo, crime boss and the thorn in Stallone’s side, can’t save his character from stereotypical drudgery.
In short: Watch the trailer. See Estelle Getty hit by 3,000 volts of electricity and Jamie Foxx falling off a boat while dressed as an old lady. Smile. Smile some more, knowing you just enjoyed the only two moments in the film worth watching, and that you saved the cost of your cinema ticket.
One star, shaped like a clapperboard.
Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot AGAIN!, starring Sylvester Stallone, Estelle Getty, Jaime Foxx and Jimmy Smitts. Directed by Brian DePalma. Released March 29th. Rated PG for scenes of cross-dressing, mildly offensive language, moderately offensive acting and unchristian values.
Sunday, 20 January 2008
Vote for Me!
It seems that someone (who I didn't pay, honest) has nominated The Imaginary Review for a Blogger's Choice Award! Please go and vote for me, and maybe I'll win a prize! And then I can write a review of the ceremony!
I've been writing lots of reviews recently, so after my little break there'll be lots and lots updates over the next few weeks. I've also got a new project up my sleeve, more details to come soon!
I've been writing lots of reviews recently, so after my little break there'll be lots and lots updates over the next few weeks. I've also got a new project up my sleeve, more details to come soon!
Saturday, 19 January 2008
Last Night’s Television
Amid the much publicized drop in the show’s ratings, Coronation Street (ITV 8:00) had its first guest director last night, and early indications show that millions tuned in to see what David Lynch would do with the program. I think it’s safe to say that nobody was expecting to see Ken Barlow (William Roache) give birth to a giant, wheezing ball of living glue on Sally Webster’s living room floor, or Tyrone (Alan Halsall) get strangled by Fiz’s own guts in the Rover’s Return. The long-term ramifications don’t just extend to the characters, either. The Underworld Knickers Factory morphed into a grotesquely hellish dungeon-style location, which show insiders suggest may turn out to be the inside of a giant undulating cockroach.
While Lynch’s changes to Coronation Street have managed to grab new viewers, it remains to be seen whether this experiment will keep them. And what the future guest directors (Takeshi Miike, Alan Smithee and Bono being three of those announced) will do with Lynch’s new characters, especially Graham, the telepathic hermaphrodite, I don’t know.
Over on BBC2, The Secret Life of Clowns (9:30) was terrifyingly gripping. While much is known about the public persona of such famous clowns as Bozo, Binko and Pennywise, not a lot is known about the private lives of the less well-known ones. The program makers should be commended for their unflinching look into this seedy and frightening world of orgies, self-mutilation and sin. Watching Quentin, a part-time clown in Epping, travel straight from a child’s birthday party to an underground clown-fetish club was astonishing. Even more impressive was his flawless transition from creating cute balloon animals for the children to doing horrid, horrid things with his balloons, all for the pleasure of the perverts watching in the club. Next week’s show proves to be a real mind-bleach necessity.
Channel Five’s live coverage of the World Ker-Plunk Championships (2:00) would have been terrible, if not for the wonderful commentary by Erwin Frume. The four-time UK Ker-Plunk champion has such enthusiasm for the sport that the way he calls each play makes every dropped marble seem like a grenade down a pipe of kittens. The competitors themselves are far too serious for their own good, and more characters like Norway’s Brian “Strep Throat” Gunderssen would really help to put the sport on the World stage.
While Lynch’s changes to Coronation Street have managed to grab new viewers, it remains to be seen whether this experiment will keep them. And what the future guest directors (Takeshi Miike, Alan Smithee and Bono being three of those announced) will do with Lynch’s new characters, especially Graham, the telepathic hermaphrodite, I don’t know.
Over on BBC2, The Secret Life of Clowns (9:30) was terrifyingly gripping. While much is known about the public persona of such famous clowns as Bozo, Binko and Pennywise, not a lot is known about the private lives of the less well-known ones. The program makers should be commended for their unflinching look into this seedy and frightening world of orgies, self-mutilation and sin. Watching Quentin, a part-time clown in Epping, travel straight from a child’s birthday party to an underground clown-fetish club was astonishing. Even more impressive was his flawless transition from creating cute balloon animals for the children to doing horrid, horrid things with his balloons, all for the pleasure of the perverts watching in the club. Next week’s show proves to be a real mind-bleach necessity.
Channel Five’s live coverage of the World Ker-Plunk Championships (2:00) would have been terrible, if not for the wonderful commentary by Erwin Frume. The four-time UK Ker-Plunk champion has such enthusiasm for the sport that the way he calls each play makes every dropped marble seem like a grenade down a pipe of kittens. The competitors themselves are far too serious for their own good, and more characters like Norway’s Brian “Strep Throat” Gunderssen would really help to put the sport on the World stage.
Friday, 4 January 2008
Book Review: Gingerbread Hunter by Kathryn Wehrle
Kathryn Wehrle's first piece of non-fiction is the story of her quest to find the best-tasting gingerbread in the whole of Toronto. Along the way she finds and befriends all sorts of different people, bringing them together under the tasty brown umbrella that is a good gingerbread.
The book takes the reader through the Toronto bakery world, from the upper class croissant houses of Yonge to the seedy sesame bun shacks that form the city's notorious backstreet baking underbelly. The chapters dealing with these latter parts of the quest are terrifying, especially when the author's taste testing is interrupted by a visit from the bakery's owner, the notorious crime lord Saffron Tumerick, head of the Danish Mafia.
Other elements of the story are uplifting, such as the chapter in which Kathryn manages to save a struggling patisserie by recommending them to a hungry passer-by; the man is none other than Richard Branson, and he invests huge sums of money in the bakery, rescuing it from bankruptcy. There are also hilariously funny scenes, such as the impromptu food fight in a tea shop populated by upper-class ladies, and the scene in which Kathryn finds a woman's toe in a gingerbread man. Her search for the toe's former owner took her to three different continents and started a friendship that would eventually lead to divorce.
But rather than the people, the star of Gingerbread Hunter is the gingerbread itself. Kathryn's description of each morsel alone is worth the price of the book. From the 'delapidated creosote bungalow smell' of an out-of-date coffeeshop pastry to the 'smarmy self-confident sneer' of Guutenborg's $3,000-a-piece luxury gingerbread, Wehrle's prose makes each mouthful of biscuit real.
All in all, I would give this book five icing sugar buttons out of five.
The book takes the reader through the Toronto bakery world, from the upper class croissant houses of Yonge to the seedy sesame bun shacks that form the city's notorious backstreet baking underbelly. The chapters dealing with these latter parts of the quest are terrifying, especially when the author's taste testing is interrupted by a visit from the bakery's owner, the notorious crime lord Saffron Tumerick, head of the Danish Mafia.
Other elements of the story are uplifting, such as the chapter in which Kathryn manages to save a struggling patisserie by recommending them to a hungry passer-by; the man is none other than Richard Branson, and he invests huge sums of money in the bakery, rescuing it from bankruptcy. There are also hilariously funny scenes, such as the impromptu food fight in a tea shop populated by upper-class ladies, and the scene in which Kathryn finds a woman's toe in a gingerbread man. Her search for the toe's former owner took her to three different continents and started a friendship that would eventually lead to divorce.
But rather than the people, the star of Gingerbread Hunter is the gingerbread itself. Kathryn's description of each morsel alone is worth the price of the book. From the 'delapidated creosote bungalow smell' of an out-of-date coffeeshop pastry to the 'smarmy self-confident sneer' of Guutenborg's $3,000-a-piece luxury gingerbread, Wehrle's prose makes each mouthful of biscuit real.
All in all, I would give this book five icing sugar buttons out of five.
Thursday, 3 January 2008
The Imaginary Review's Review of the Year's Reviews
As December comes to an end, all newspapers like to look back at the previous year, taking stock of the stories, analysing the ups and downs, and taking the opportunity to reprint old articles, saving money that would have otherwise been paid to useless journalists.
The New York Times's list of the best geese of the year was a definite highlight for me. I was a bit surprised by the inclusion of Beaky in the top ten, as she strikes me as being a most disagreeable goose. But it's hard to disagree with the paper's top three, in ascending order: Muffy, Graham the Goose and Ducky Wah Wah. All three are geese who have furthered the causes of geese everywhere, and are certainly deserving of their accolades.
Less successful was the Daily Express's annual run-down of the most offensive words of the year. While the writers put forward a good argument for the inclusion of 'dipstick', I fail to see how 'Borrovan' can be considered more offensive than 'f*ck'.
Nigel Slater's list of the 2008's must-see pub signs in the Guardian pulled no punches and had several surprises. I've visited The Awful Sundae in Gosport several times and found their sign to be a great disappointment. However, the number one sign in the list, Nantwich's The Sidney Youngblood was a worthy entry.
Nothing in Slate Magazine's Top 20 politicians of the year made sense.
The Chicago Tribune had a great list of the 100 places to visit in Shugborough, Millford, before you die in 2008. The writing was excellent, however I am somewhat offended by the assumption that I will die in 2008.
Billboard Magazine's twenty best ringtones of the year held few surprises, with Rhianna's 'Look at me (I'm wearing a Skirt)' at the top spot. Other popular ringtones from 2007 included Li'l John's 'D*pst*ck B*rrovan' and Glenys Kinnock's cover of the Ramones' 'Blitzkreig Bop'.
And finally, The Imaginary Review published a review of some of the end of year reviews from 2007 which was a huge failure. For a start, the list was late, appearing long after the countdown to midnight on December 31. The reviews were poorly written, pedestrian at best, and completely unfunny. If the Imaginary Reviewer wants to increase his readership in 2008, then he really needs to pull his socks up, and soon. I would recommend some self-referencial humour, possibly with a little more modesty and self-effacement.
The New York Times's list of the best geese of the year was a definite highlight for me. I was a bit surprised by the inclusion of Beaky in the top ten, as she strikes me as being a most disagreeable goose. But it's hard to disagree with the paper's top three, in ascending order: Muffy, Graham the Goose and Ducky Wah Wah. All three are geese who have furthered the causes of geese everywhere, and are certainly deserving of their accolades.
Less successful was the Daily Express's annual run-down of the most offensive words of the year. While the writers put forward a good argument for the inclusion of 'dipstick', I fail to see how 'Borrovan' can be considered more offensive than 'f*ck'.
Nigel Slater's list of the 2008's must-see pub signs in the Guardian pulled no punches and had several surprises. I've visited The Awful Sundae in Gosport several times and found their sign to be a great disappointment. However, the number one sign in the list, Nantwich's The Sidney Youngblood was a worthy entry.
Nothing in Slate Magazine's Top 20 politicians of the year made sense.
The Chicago Tribune had a great list of the 100 places to visit in Shugborough, Millford, before you die in 2008. The writing was excellent, however I am somewhat offended by the assumption that I will die in 2008.
Billboard Magazine's twenty best ringtones of the year held few surprises, with Rhianna's 'Look at me (I'm wearing a Skirt)' at the top spot. Other popular ringtones from 2007 included Li'l John's 'D*pst*ck B*rrovan' and Glenys Kinnock's cover of the Ramones' 'Blitzkreig Bop'.
And finally, The Imaginary Review published a review of some of the end of year reviews from 2007 which was a huge failure. For a start, the list was late, appearing long after the countdown to midnight on December 31. The reviews were poorly written, pedestrian at best, and completely unfunny. If the Imaginary Reviewer wants to increase his readership in 2008, then he really needs to pull his socks up, and soon. I would recommend some self-referencial humour, possibly with a little more modesty and self-effacement.
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